(satire – barely)
Singer Justin Bieber is taking advantage of the UK’s strict libel laws to sue thousands of Twitter users for asking the question why the f**k is he always trending on the popular social media platform.
This morning Mr Bieber asked police to investigate potentially tens of thousands of people in the UK who have failed to apologise for suggesting in tweets that they are completely baffled how someone so talentless could possibly be of interest to so many people.
Mr Bieber’s legal representatives explained the reasons why he was planning to sue people in the UK for asking the questions about the singer which are on everyone’s lips around the world.
In a statement, Mr Bieber’s lawyers said:
Although he clearly can’t sing, Justin’s got lots of money – and UK law allows anyone with lots of money to sue the pants off anybody who hasn’t – so why not?
Mr Bieber has promised to take on the “Twittering fraternity” and to force people to “start thinking about what they are saying” before posting messages wondering out loud how someone who can’t sing and looks like a girl could have possibly become so popular.
Last week the BBC – which linked Mr Bieber to allegations of music abuse on Newsnight – settled with the singer for £185,000.
He is also seeking up to £500,000 in damages from ITV after This Morning presenter Philip Schofield showed a list of alleged tone-deaf pop stars to David Cameron.
Scotland Yard have said that they are prepared to commit as much time and manpower as necessary to helping rich and famous people get more money – especially if they live abroad or are Lords – instead of investigating crimes which affect more common-or-garden UK citizens such as burglary or robbery.
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EXCLUSIVE – Scottish Lord Admits to Chip Abuse During Thatcher Era
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Daily Mail smears BBC claiming it smeared McAlpine because of its ‘blind hatred’ of Thatcher. : http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2232062/Was-BBCs-blind-hatred-Thatcher-blame-Lord-McAlpine-smear.html
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This made me laugh in particular: “Last week the BBC – which wrongly linked Mr Bieber to allegations of music abuse on Newsnight – settled with the singer for £185,000.”
Someone should sue Bieber for music abuse. I just can’t imagine how music must feel every time he’s going at it.
Oh, and Nicki Minaj is a total pedophile (did you know she’s 30?), she’s actually abusing this barely 18 year old boy in their latest video. Dry humping and all!
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I feel ill now…
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Thanks Tom, for at least finally answering for me the question that has not really puzzled me for quite awhile, ‘cos I cannot be bothered to think about it.
That question is: “Who is Justin Bieber?”
Now I know the answer. He’s a pop-singer. Allegedly.
Phew, now I can forget all about him again, probably for the rest of eternity. And so might every other sensible person.
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Good plan!
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I’m with Chris Tandy – I had no idea who JB was since I do not have access to tv or newspapers.
But I would urge caution on the twitterati in mentioning this person’s name as they could possibly be infringing copyright law in doing so – presumably Justin Bieber is a trademark?
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thank you for the heads up mr pied as for beeber well surface to say the masonic shaky handy gloved world of bbc and itv comes in handy for swift payoff’s wot wot.
pied you really need to join the athenium remarkable how taylor swift things get done when you are a momber with a common purpose.
as for beeber the lovely young thing caused quite a stir in the calm stayed world of the athenium i can tell you.
when the poor boy went to toillete to relief himselves it caused a near riot a queue train of bishops,ex bbc dg’s lords even blair was pleading to get close to the beeber stool.
i have told beeber in future i will will make his bog trips a cash monies ticket event at the club.
it is so refreshing having spunky young blood in the club.
i now udderstand why stoned spent jagger and vampyre german queen liz go simply bonkers for child blood enemas.
sorry aboot the poor spieling eye is drunk constipated and dislaxic
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The making of a newsprint monster.
Click to access charlespsampg.pdf
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