The Church of England voted on Tuesday against allowing bishops and other chess pieces to be shaped like women, guaranteeing more internal strife over board games – an issue of grave importance that has for years divided the mother church for the world’s 80 million Anglicans.

After hours of debate, clergy in the General Synod, the Church legislature, comfortably backed the change to allow chess pieces to be more curvy but lay members were four votes short of a two-thirds majority in favour of allowing lady lumps on chessmen.

Some women priests in the public gallery wiped away tears, knowing they will have to wait at least another five years before they can hope to play chess with knights sporting wamjanglers and rooks shaped with obvious pairs of love dumplings in plain view.

what a lady bishop might look like

Bishops with baps are already allowed in Australia, New Zealand, Canada and the United States, but conservative evangelicals and Anglo-Catholics argue that male-only playing counters is God’s will and say that feminine looking pieces would break with a tradition of board game playing that stretches all the way back to Jesus’s famous game of Cluedo with the Twelve Apostles just before the Last Supper.


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