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(satire – sort of)

A secret investigation has revealed how a shadowy group of mysterious people known as ‘commissioners’ are planning to infiltrate and take covert control of police authorities all over the country.

Behind the back of an unsuspecting public, a group of several hundred individuals are said to be planning to hold mysterious, secretive ballots today known as ‘elections’ with the aim of taking political control of 41 police authorities in England and Wales.

However, a spokeswoman for the police authorities denied any knowledge of the existence of such an organised group.

In a strongly worded statement, she said:

Elections for Police and Crime Commissioners? Today? Are you sure? I’ll have to check.

However, a man down the pub we met claimed to have inside knowledge of the secretive group and its covert strategy to usurp the political independence of policing. Over a pint, he exclusively revealed the sinister organisation’s plans to take political control of the police:

Someone at work mentioned something about police commissioner elections or something. Haven’t a clue what the f**k that’s all about, do you? Your round by the way.

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