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(satire)
(The references in this article to a Scottish Lord’s liking for chips are actually true – based on his own admission and any similarity to anything else is entirely coincidental)
A former senior figure in the Conservative Party has admitted he personally abused chips and secretly supplied other forbidden foods to people in exchange for money and political favours while he was a close aid to Margaret Thatcher during the 1980s.
The shocking revelations come after fierce speculation in the media about the identity of the person at the centre of a notorious ring of high-level establishment figures close to the former prime minister who secretly made visits to chip shops where they would satiate their depraved taste for pie and chips and other even more base things such as bangers and mash or chicken McNuggets
In his shameful admission, the Lord said:
Although I knew what I was doing was wrong, I was unable to stop myself. I was aware I needed help, but while I presented myself in public as a respectable person of high standing who liked only acceptable food such as steak or lobster, I was in fact all the time waiting impatiently for the time I could satisfy my secret cravings for something unspeakable like spaghetti hoops on toast.
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He’s had his chips. Maybe not Freemasons and all, odd how the police did nothing eh?
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I wager he liked a little relish on his chips, hmmm? Maybe a small wally* to chew on?
*That’s a pickled gherkin in pleb circles….
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Plain or on the side?
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http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/profile-lord-midas-his-zenith-and-nadir-lord-mcalpine-party-treasurer-for-mrs-thatcher-1492580.html
“In fact, after a sextuple bypass operation lasting seven hours in 1987, McAlpine changed his hectic lifestyle. He moderated his eating and drinking and stopped smoking. He told Margaret Thatcher, a year before her defeat, that he intended to resign his Central Office appointment in order to concentrate on writing. The Servant was the first product of his endeavours and a political novel is expected to follow”.
HMMMM, should have given up all his vices…
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Did he enjoy chicken with his chips?
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IT’S OFFICIAL!!
Lord McAlpine is “entirely innocent” and the accusations of chip eating are “wrongful”.
Because he says so.
Heads will now roll at the BBC – CASE CLOSED.
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I’d just like to point out that any allegations that a senior Tory Scottish Lord ate too many chips at any time are entirely false, not true and without basis in fact.
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I for one would not put it pasty him. I recall his arch enemy and nemesis (I won’t name him for legal reasons) used parade around eatin pies and swilling beer proclaiming that he would rather die than be a Lord who actualy became a lord and is still alive( typical lying politician when their lips move they’re either lying or eating something they shouldn’t then lying about it). If he did indeed like common food then why did he start a fight when someone offered him an egg? Surely he would have thanked them and mashed it with some mayonaise and swilled it down with a can of skol super. Bloody politicians, wouldn’t trust em with a bargepole. Btw I reckon the pies were filled with lobster and caviar and he was swilling chatteau de neuf 49.
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