(The references in this article to a Scottish Lord’s liking for chips are actually true – based on his own admission and any similarity to anything else is entirely coincidental)
A former senior figure in the Conservative Party has admitted he personally abused chips and secretly supplied other forbidden foods to people in exchange for money and political favours while he was a close aid to Margaret Thatcher during the 1980s.
The shocking revelations come after fierce speculation in the media about the identity of the person at the centre of a notorious ring of high-level establishment figures close to the former prime minister who secretly made visits to chip shops where they would satiate their depraved taste for pie and chips and other even more base things such as bangers and mash or chicken McNuggets
In his shameful admission, the Lord said:
Although I knew what I was doing was wrong, I was unable to stop myself. I was aware I needed help, but while I presented myself in public as a respectable person of high standing who liked only acceptable food such as steak or lobster, I was in fact all the time waiting impatiently for the time I could satisfy my secret cravings for something unspeakable like spaghetti hoops on toast.
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