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(note to Murdoch hacks, The Daily Mail and Tories – don’t get too excited – this is a joke)

A Modest Proposal

For Preventing The Children of Poor People in Britain From Being a Burden to Their Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to The Public

Unemployment benefits, food, housing, education, health – all of these things are under the CONTROL of countless GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENTS where myriads of CIVIL SERVANTS and GOVERNMENT MINISTERS sit in rooms endlessly discussing UNIMPORTANT thing such as schools, hospitals and badgers.

The government is WASTING millions of taxpayers’ money with a myriad of schemes designed to HELP unemployed families waste money on luxuries such as FOOD, shelter and kids’ clothes!

The government has proposed giving food vouchers to the unemployed and beds in shelters to unemployed families ON TOP OF the money they don’t get for stacking shelves in Tescos or flipping burgers in Burger King on workfare schemes.

This criminal WASTE of money HAS TO STOP!

We need to STREAMLINE this MINDLESS bureaucracy by ABOLISHING GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENTS such as Heath, Education and Work and Pensions completely – and hand over the keeping of the millions of unemployed who REFUSE to get a non-existent job – to firms like TESCO.

We need to CUT OUT the middle man and allow TESCO to have access to a round-the-clock pool of labour by housing unemployed families in their voluminous underground car parks and store rooms where they can do something useful to society by stacking shelves.

FOOD VOUCHERS which can only be spent in TESCO STORES should be provided by TESCO in place of all state benefits as well as EDUCATION VOUCHERS and HEALTH VOUCHERS which can only be used in TESCO schools and hospitals.

Government subsidies should be provided to build an EXTENSIVE CHAIN of out-of-town centres where MILLIONS of the nation’s unemployed can live, work and eat without ever having to see the light of day.

We could call them TESCO MEGASTORES.


Note: With apologies to Jonathan Swift (1667-1745), author and satirist, famous for Gulliver’s Travels (1726) and his most famous satirical piece – ‘A Modest Proposal’ (1729):

A Modest Proposal By Jonathan Swift


For more information on Workfare, see here:

Boycott Workfare

Related articles by Tom Pride on this subject:

Jobseekers Fight For Workfare Placements in NHS Hospital After Cameron Announces Vasectomy Operation There

Public displays of poverty and disability to be banned

Grayling – Benefit sanctions to be dropped. Even though they don’t exist.

A4e Claims Success In Getting Taxpayers Money Off Benefits & Into Its Own Pockets

Workfare = Workhouse?

Did you know the government is subsidising McDonald’s with taxpayers money – your money?

The government has finally done something so outrageous even I can’t be bothered to satirise it

Government To Promote Equal Workplace Opportunities By Allowing The Disabled To Work As Slaves For Tesco’s Too

Struggling to find words to describe this government? Here’s a list to help you.

No hidden agenda behind government’s Training & Experience for the Sick, Crippled & Old programme

Tory minister – no shortage of jobs for disabled toddlers

Department of Work & Pensions – Death No Reason Not To Be Classified As ‘Fit For Work’

Government Responds To Banking Crisis By Cutting Benefits For Disabled Kids

Government – Light-Touch Regulation Of The Disabled To Blame For Economic Crisis


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