(note to Murdoch hacks, The Daily Mail and Tories – don’t get too excited – this is a joke)
A Modest Proposal
For Preventing The Children of Poor People in Britain From Being a Burden to Their Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to The Public
Unemployment benefits, food, housing, education, health – all of these things are under the CONTROL of countless GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENTS where myriads of CIVIL SERVANTS and GOVERNMENT MINISTERS sit in rooms endlessly discussing UNIMPORTANT thing such as schools, hospitals and badgers.
The government is WASTING millions of taxpayers’ money with a myriad of schemes designed to HELP unemployed families waste money on luxuries such as FOOD, shelter and kids’ clothes!
The government has proposed giving food vouchers to the unemployed and beds in shelters to unemployed families ON TOP OF the money they don’t get for stacking shelves in Tescos or flipping burgers in Burger King on workfare schemes.
This criminal WASTE of money HAS TO STOP!
We need to STREAMLINE this MINDLESS bureaucracy by ABOLISHING GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENTS such as Heath, Education and Work and Pensions completely – and hand over the keeping of the millions of unemployed who REFUSE to get a non-existent job – to firms like TESCO.
We need to CUT OUT the middle man and allow TESCO to have access to a round-the-clock pool of labour by housing unemployed families in their voluminous underground car parks and store rooms where they can do something useful to society by stacking shelves.
FOOD VOUCHERS which can only be spent in TESCO STORES should be provided by TESCO in place of all state benefits as well as EDUCATION VOUCHERS and HEALTH VOUCHERS which can only be used in TESCO schools and hospitals.
Government subsidies should be provided to build an EXTENSIVE CHAIN of out-of-town centres where MILLIONS of the nation’s unemployed can live, work and eat without ever having to see the light of day.
We could call them TESCO MEGASTORES.
Note: With apologies to Jonathan Swift (1667-1745), author and satirist, famous for Gulliver’s Travels (1726) and his most famous satirical piece – ‘A Modest Proposal’ (1729):
For more information on Workfare, see here:
Related articles by Tom Pride on this subject:
Please feel free to comment – you don’t need to register and I’m extremely minimal with the moderating – so please go ahead.
By the way, if you click on any of these buttons below, you’ll be doing me a big favour by sharing this article with other people. Thanks: