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(satire – sort of)

UK safety experts are warning that hundreds of thousands of children are in danger of being maimed or seriously hurt by a lack of visibility as clocks are turned back by the government to the Victorian era.

As the coalition prepares to put the clocks back more than 150 years, safety charities are appealing for action to prevent further casualties as darker days of austerity make it harder to ensure children are protected from the now mounting number of government car crashes involving government ministers.

Child safety activists are urging ministers to protect vulnerable people such as children and the elderly by slowing down their numerous and dangerous u-turns around homes, hospitals and schools.

Charities are also renewing calls for the government to put an end to winter blues by turning their policies forward by at least a century in order to ensure hundreds of elderly people don’t die of cold this year as usual.

However, a government spokesperson said there were at present no plans to put the clocks forward on coalition thinking as killing off old people every winter is estimated to save the NHS £138 million annually.

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Related articles by Tom Pride on this subject:

Senior government adviser warns that problem banking families ‘have too many children’

Scotland Yard – Children To Be Shot With Baton Rounds Not Rubber Bullets

BBFC – Michael Gove ‘too scary’ for under-12s

Public displays of poverty and disability to be banned

David Cameron leaves 4 million children behind after pub visit

Scientists Confirm Deniers Were Right – Global Disability Is A Hoax!

‘Tory’ Syndrome – symptoms include knee-jerk reactions and offensive outbursts

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People really are dying as a result of government policies:

This government is killing people

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