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A 46-year-old Westminster man has been seriously wounded after he was set upon by an elderly English Bull Terrier which tore into him in a vicious and unprovoked attack in the Sunday Observer.

The dog – which goes by the name of “Tebbit” and is said to be well-known to the victim – unexpectedly turned against the man and literally ripped him apart with savage brutality despite the man trying to placate it with a dog’s breakfast of right-wing red meat policies and fistfuls of juicy resignations.

Police sealed off the house in Downing Street where the victim is said to reside while the animal was recovered from another address in Chingford by officers and held under the Dangerous Dodo Act.

A Metropolitan police spokesperson said the victim had been minding his own business when the bull terrier, which was not on a lead, was probably attracted by the strong whiff of incompetence and fishy goings-on emanating from the man’s address in Downing Street.

It is understood the injuries – mainly to the man’s groin area – are serious and could lead ultimately to the victim having to spend more time at home with his family.

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