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Advisors say no serious rise in high-handedness by Tory MPs is likely if possession of small amounts of controlled snobbery is allowed.

A six-year study by leading scientists, police officers, academics and experts says possession of small amounts of controlled arrogance should no longer be a criminal offence and concludes the move will not lead to a significant increase in abuse of plebs by members of the Conservative Party.

The experts say the criminal sanctions imposed on the 1% of the adult population sentenced each year for possession of class A hubris such as condescension – and the 160,000 given warnings for possession of softer conceit such as disdain – should be replaced with simple civil penalties such as a fine, attendance at a smug-awareness session or a referral to a pomposity treatment programme.

They also say that imposing minimal or no sanctions on those right-wing MPs growing their own ego for personal use could go some way to undermining the burgeoning abuse of public sector workers such as police officers by the more pompous members of the government.

The study comes after a leading Tory member of the cabinet – Chief Whip Andrew Mitchell – was found to be in possession of large amounts of pomposity when he was caught red-handed being a class A twat by police in central London last month.

However, the home secretary, Theresa May, has ruled out any moves towards decriminalisation of self-righteousness by members of her party, saying it would only lead to further problems of uppitiness by the general public.


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Is Cameron a Secret Stalinist? Or just a Toffee-Nosed Pillock?


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