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In a surprising and bold move, the chancellor George Osborne promised today to reduce the problem of UK public sector net borrowing from £14.4bn to talking about whether our neighbours leave their curtains closed in the mornings or not.

The dramatic shock announcement has left economists reeling as they try to calculate the consequences of the government’s plans to reduce the full impact of the effects of government cuts to spending and public sector borrowing requirements to a discussion about window coverings.

One leading economic expert explained the effects such a policy might have on the nation’s finances:

Obviously being in the middle of the greatest economic crisis to hit this country for more than a century and with people having to face massive hardships to make ends meet, this is a bold move by the chancellor to focus on curtains.

At the moment, economists are divided as to what the effect might be on the chancellor’s efforts to balance the budget by shifting from concentrating on his own stewardship of the economy to making sure people check their neighbour’s curtains when they get up in the mornings.

However, a spokesperson for the chancellor defended Mr Osborne’s policy:

Clearly encouraging people to turn on their neighbours for not opening their curtains is not going to be enough to help solve the country’s finances but it must be pointed out that reducing economic discussion such as the fiscal deficit to one of petty bickering between people over window coverings might just help to distract everyone from the fact that we actually haven’t got a clue what to do. Besides, we all live in houses so big we’re much too remote from our neighbours to even see their windows in the morning, so who gives a shit?

The government’s latest curtain announcement comes on top of other policy pledges made by the coalition government to solve the economic crisis such as taxing grannies, raising the price of pasties and killing badgers.


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