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(satire)

Top Secret. Beware – if you read this I might have to kill you.

It’s not very politically correct I know but I love James Bond films. And just for you, I can exclusively reveal the plot to the latest 007 film – ‘Skyfall’.

Here it is – read at your peril:

The plot centres around a sinister international organisation headed by an evil leader known as ‘Rupert’ who has become so powerful he controls presidents, has world leaders in his pocket and has even managed to blackmail the UK prime minister by obtaining a photograph of him in a compromising position with a horse.

At the beginning of the film, ‘Rupert’ has given his even more evil and ambitious son ‘James’ the task of taking over a satellite network called ‘Sky’ – with the intent of beaming into every home in the UK a constant stream of mind altering pap which will brain-wash the entire population into believing they are under attack from an army of immigrant, scrounging single parents.

Bond foils the dastardly plan by activating a secret defence system called ‘Skyfall’ which replaces government ministers with brain dead robots who mess up the deal so badly the ‘Sky’ deal ‘falls’ through.

The new theme to Skyfall – sung by Adele – was released today and the words give us some more clues to the plot:

For this is the end (James Murdoch’s career?)
So overdue, I owe them (taxpayers?)
Swept away, I’m stolen (mobile phone numbers?)
You may have my number, you can take my name (a clear reference to hacking?)
Let the sky fall, when it crumbles (the sky deal?)
Face it all together (we’re all in it together?)

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OK – I admit I might have made some of this up but the funny thing is that one of the best Bond movies of all time – Tomorrow Never Dies – really was about Rupert Murdoch.

Truth really is stranger than fiction.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

OFCOM rules Murdoch ‘fit and proper’ to own David Cameron

The Sun on its refusal to print pictures of Kate topless – “we believe official boobs should be covered up at all costs”

MP Louise Mensch quits to spend more time with the Murdoch family

News Corp to split businesses into ‘busted’ and ‘still managing to get away with it’ divisions

Hillsborough – cock-up or conspiracy? (PS – anyone know if Rupert Murdoch’s a freemason?)

The Sun Prints Blatant Bollocks Shock!

Rupert Murdoch denies claims he may sell off scandal-ridden UK government ministers

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