(I promise you this is not satire – hard as it may be to believe)
Criminals in south Wales and other areas of Britain are no doubt celebrating after the government’s decision to replace police helicopters with fixed-wing aircraft which can’t hover to pursue them or land to arrest them.
One authority, Dyfed-Powys Police Authority, has even officially objected to government plans to replace its helicopter with a fixed-wing aircraft and has pointed out that government ministers seem to have overlooked the fact that fixed-wing aircraft can’t hover and would not be able to pursue suspects. They would also be unable to carry out search and rescue and surveillance – or transport equipment, back-up officers, firearms, dogs or anything else to locations other than airfields with landing strips.
Unfortunately, despite the police authority’s best efforts to explain the technicalities of fixed-wing vs rotary aircraft – government officials have decided to go ahead and replace the helicopters with planes anyway.
Presumably the government is hoping criminals will stand around landing strips long enough for the fixed-wing aircraft to land and arrest them.
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I think I’m going to have to give up writing satire – the coalition government is doing it so much better than I ever could.
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Other articles by Tom Pride:
London’s fire engines are now owned by one man – an old Etonian
Could this be the coalition government’s biggest cock-up yet?
Meet ALS – the new G4S (or how Delboy hoodwinked ministers out of £300m)
Controversial urine extraction method given go-ahead by government
Genealogists Confirm David Cameron Is A Bastard
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Unutterably bizarre. Live in Dyfed-Powys area, sometimes hear choppers. WTF?Jayne
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Truth really is stranger than fiction. Not sure how rural police forces are going to track down missing cows in a plane either..
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Presumably someone in authority’s getting a nice little earner from the aviation industry, fixed-wing division.
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Perhaps they’ll train the snakes? 🙂
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🙂
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You know I’m not sure I even want to start looking into that. It’s just going to be too depressing.
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Why were the cows even on the plane?
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So, what’s next? An official, National Police Tactical Army Service? How about a National Police Naval Service, formed partly from the few remains of the Coastguard Service, but also augmented by having their own aircraft carrier?
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Have you any idea how the noiseless, stealth mode adds to running costs?
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Very good 🙂
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Cows? I thought they were pigs.
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