, ,


In what could be the biggest scandal to hit cycling since the Lance Armstrong controversy – British cyclist Andrew Mitchell has admitted to regularly being a dope while riding a bicycle.

The shocking admission comes after Mr Mitchell was caught red-handed by police using banned words on a bicycle in the centre of London on Wednesday night.

In a statement, one of the police officers said:

We first noticed the cyclist because his head was quite swollen, he was swaggering and more than a bit sniffy – very often indications that someone might be a dope. In this case it became obvious to us in a very short time that the cyclist in question was clearly tripping on massive doses of his own ego.

In a related development, Lance Armstrong has objected strongly to being compared to Mr Mitchell. In a statement, the 7 times Tour de France winner said:

I have competed as an endurance athlete for 25 years and I have never abused anything while I was cycling – unlike Mr Mitchell – who quite clearly has got so much shit stuck up his arse it’s affecting his memory.


Related articles by Tom Pride:

Andrew Mitchell sacked by PM for splitting an infinitive at police officers

City centres turned into no-go areas by gangs of troublesome Tory MPs say police

Cameron tells unemployed – “Stop whinging and get daddy to find you a job!”

Scandal as Topless and Legless Royalty Denied Benefits by DWP

Tory Modernisers Vow To Drag Party Into 19th Century

David Cameron To Tackle Bullingdon Club Binge Drinking Scandal

Genealogists Confirm David Cameron Is A Bastard

Is Cameron a Secret Stalinist? Or just a Toffee-Nosed Pillock?


By the way, if you click on any of these buttons below, you’ll be doing me a big favour by sharing this article with other people. Thanks: