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(It’s not satire – it’s George Osborne!)

The chancellor, George Osborne, fascinates me.

For two years now I’ve been asking myself how a seemingly intelligent person can be so clueless when it comes to running the economy? Just what is going on with him?

These questions came back to bother me with a vengeance on Sunday when George Osborne finally announced his long-awaited Plan B to get the economy moving again. It’s been somewhat buried by the news of the reshuffle, but it was actually a very important announcement.

So here it is. Plan B.

In order to stimulate growth, reduce unemployment, boost manufacturing and take the country out of the double-dip recession, the chancellor announced the government was going to make it easier for people to build executive homes on previously protected green belt land in places like Surrey and Hampshire.

That’s it.

No really it is.

(Momentary pause while everyone buries their faces in their palms)

Now I’ve come up with a lot of theories to explain the amazing phenomenom that is George Osborne.

For example, I’ve surmised that maybe he doesn’t actually realise he’s the chancellor:
What if George Osborne doesn’t know he’s the Chancellor?

And I’ve mulled over the possibility that he might actually be a genius:
George Osborne Is Not A Wanker – He’s A Genius!

I’ve even come to the conclusion that his actions might be the fulfilment of ancient biblical prophesies:
Did you know the name Gideon is Hebrew for ‘Destroyer’. Really.

I’ve also read fascinating theories by cleverer people than me (think-left.org) that his incompetence might actually be deliberate:
Has George Osborne been taking Trans-Atlantic lessons from Jude Wanniski and the Republicans?

But after watching Sunday’s announcement I think this time I’ve finally ‘got’ him and when I tell you you’ll also see the answer’s really obvious when you think about it:

He’s being ironic.

You just watch. I’m absolutely certain in the next few days he’s going to pop up on our TV screens with a wicked smile saying – Ha! Got you all there. You didn’t really think I was seriously suggesting the country’s worse recession in a century can be solved by making it easier for a few rich executives to build new homes on posh bits of land, did you?

So quite frankly – phew! Thank God for that.

For a moment there I was worried we might have a completely clueless idiot running our economy.


Related articles by Tom Pride:

Police called to George Osborne’s home after reports his lights on but nobody at home.

More People Believe In Loch Ness Monster Than In Osborne’s Ability To Run Economy

UK suffers worst double-dipstick chancellor in 50 years

Sheffield man left with nothing after falling victim to Westminster conmen

Summer boost for UK economy as Osborne takes holiday from running it

George Osborne faces calls from leading economists for U-turn on fecklessness

George Osborne Is Not A Wanker – He’s A Genius!

Top Tories – Osborne not fit to run the country into the ground, just its economy

George Osborne ‘shocked’ at level of his own tax avoidance

What if George Osborne doesn’t know he’s the Chancellor?

Did you know the name Gideon is Hebrew for ‘Destroyer’. Really.

Countdown – red faces as contestant spells out naughty word from OBSOREN

Loss-Making Osborne To Be Sold Off to US Conglomerate


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