(satire – or is it?)

In a scathing attack on negative stereotypes of wildlife in Essex, experts have described as unacceptable the recent widespread depiction in UK newspapers and television of a lion in Essex as being ‘loose’.

One expert said:

It may be true that the indigenous wildlife in Essex – especially species native to the region such as Wideboys, Great Tits and Rudeboys – may be a bit wild sometimes but it’s very insulting to describe any lion spotted out late at night in Essex as being ‘wild’ and ‘loose’.

However not all wildlife experts agree. One suggested a male out on the prowl by itself at night would be normal behaviour in Essex:

In Essex, wild groups of females typically hunt together, preying mostly on large males such as spotted jerks, orange tossers and simple-minded blingers. Mind you, I’m still surprised it chose Essex for a night out. Has the lion got no pride?


Yes yes I know I’m contributing to the demonisation of the working class by laughing at all things Essex – but working class Essex regularly votes Tory en masse at elections so they’re fair game as far as I’m concerned (see what I did there?)


Related articles by Tom Pride:

Peasants free to breed in peace as minister drops plans to shoot them

Wildlife and farming disaster warning as incompetence spreads across England

England’s human wildlife faces tragedy as worst moral drought in 30 years hits habitats

Old Codger Cull Given The Go Ahead In Two Areas Of England

Hunting of Carlos The Great White Elephant Arouses Anger in Recession-Hit Spain

Severe conditions alert for UK as cold front of austerity paralyses the country

Theresa May Accused Of Relaxing Border Checks For Chinese Immigrants Tian Tian and Yang Guang


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