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Richard Branson has made a last-ditch bid to keep the west coast rail franchise his company Virgin Trains lost to FirstGroup by offering a free NHS operation with every off-season peak-travel and day-return ticket.

Mr Branson, whose company Virgin Care is winning contracts to run NHS services across the country, said passengers will be able to have all kinds of operations from major heart surgery to minor procedures such as vasectomies in the comfort of a train carriage while they’re commuting to work.

The offer includes free palliative after-care services in a railway station car park of your choice – providing you have a parking space covered by a pre-paid seasonal ticket which are available at very attractive rates.

Mr Branson explained the reason for the extraordinarily generous offer:

Obviously with the government selling off the NHS to people like me, luxuries like heart operations are becoming very expensive and by having your operation while travelling to work at the same time, you won’t need to take any time off from work.

Mr Branson dismissed concerns expressed by some experts that overcrowding on the more popular rail routes could lead to some patients having to stand during their operations:

Of course we aim to provide the best service but at certain peak times it may be that patients will not have a seat for parts of their operations however, we feel sure that the availability of sweets and newspapers in our on-board shops at only slightly more expensive prices than elsewhere, will more than compensate for the inconvenience of having to stand up while having life-saving surgery.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

Government Announces Radical New Branson Pickles Initiative

Virgin Trains Set To Improve Surrey Health Services With Standing Room Only & Exorbitant Prices

Cameron to voters – here’s two pointers why I’m going ahead with NHS privatisation anyway ….

Delays To High-Speed Rail Link Due To Minister’s Job On Line

Lib Dems Vote To Support Scottish Independence By Privatising NHS in England

Lib’ Dem’s Win Major Concessions From Tories Over NHS Bill Punctuation

RIP NHS 1948 – 2012

Cameron Organises Summit With Himself On NHS

NHS Reforms – Doctors No Longer To Diagnose and Treat Sickness

Cameron – NHS Privatisation Doesn’t Mean NHS To Be Privatised

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