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Prince Harry has pledged to update the stuffy image of British royals and usher in a new era of royal openness by getting stark-bollock naked at a party and allowing someone to take pictures of his Big Brother Willy.

However, more conservative members of the royal family have tried to block the third-in-line to the throne’s attempts to expose the previously hidden parts of royal family members by preventing publication of pictures of his naked balls in UK newspapers.

A spokesperson for Clarence House explained:

While we understand the desire for many younger members of the royal family to open up to the public the more traditionally secretive parts of royalty, such as their bollocks, Her Majesty has made it clear she would prefer them to get drunk, shag around and party all night long at taxpayers’ expense without their bare arses being plastered all over the front pages the next day.

Prince Harry has already attempted to bring into the open more sensitive aspects of the royal family, such as their previously hushed up historic ties and sympathies with fascism, by racially abusing one of his RAF colleagues and dressing up as an SS officer at a party.

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Other articles by Tom Pride:

Aidan Burley complains about lack of Nazi theme in ‘leftie’ Olympic ceremony

Oops! The Daily Mail accidentally supports a fascist party. Again.

Nazi Regrets ‘Offensive’ Tory Party

Gary Barlow gets OBE for charity work with unemployed elderly royals

Prince Philip admitted to hospital as a precautionary measure against having to watch Gary Barlow in concert

Big Ben’s tower to be renamed in honour of luxury cruise ship

Queen Hits Out At Cruel Tyrants By Inviting Them For Lunch

Major European Royals in Turmoil as ‘Lazy’ Greek Faces Palace Exit

Hunting of Carlos The Great White Elephant Arouses Anger in Recession-Hit Spain

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