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(satire)

Prime Minister David Cameron said on Saturday he wanted to end the ‘All Must Have Prizes’ culture in state-funded primary and secondary banks and make participation in competitive activities compulsory for all bankers.

Hopes that Team GB’s exceptional results at the London Olympics will spur a resurgence of competitive participation in Britain’s banks have been thrown into doubt, however, by government data showing that only two in five primary-level bankers (aged 50 to 65) regularly take part in any kind of competitive activities at state-funded banks.

Experts say the lack of competition in state-supported primary and secondary banks – combined with a culture where big prizes are given even for failure – is leading to an epidemic of obesity, greed and laziness amongst the nation’s top bankers.

Cameron said he hoped the parents of top financial executives would support the planned changes to the obligatory curriculum which would include a requirement to provide competitive sport for all bankers:

I want to use the example of competitive sport at the Olympics to end the ‘all must have prizes’ culture in our banks and get bankers back to being used to the idea of winning and losing so they can become fit and healthy members of society again.

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Can Cameron really not see the hypocrisy of expecting kids to get used to failing while at the same time allowing top bankers to get away with being awarded massive bonuses for their massive failures?

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

Independent Commission – excessive banking can cause blindness

Senior government adviser warns that problem banking families ‘have too many children’

Scientists Claim Tiny Sub-Atomic Traces of Ethics Discovered in Barclays

Team GB Piles Up The Gold In Sprint To Sell Off School Sports Fields

Rat warning as floods flush out pests from city boardrooms

Lest we forget – in 2007 Cameron endorsed even less regulation of banks than Labour ……

David Cameron is Jesus. Probably.

David Cameron’s Advanced Driving Tips

Confirmation – Cameron to play Buzz Lightyear in Tory Story 4

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