(satire)
Prime Minister David Cameron said on Saturday he wanted to end the ‘All Must Have Prizes’ culture in state-funded primary and secondary banks and make participation in competitive activities compulsory for all bankers.
Hopes that Team GB’s exceptional results at the London Olympics will spur a resurgence of competitive participation in Britain’s banks have been thrown into doubt, however, by government data showing that only two in five primary-level bankers (aged 50 to 65) regularly take part in any kind of competitive activities at state-funded banks.
Experts say the lack of competition in state-supported primary and secondary banks – combined with a culture where big prizes are given even for failure – is leading to an epidemic of obesity, greed and laziness amongst the nation’s top bankers.
Cameron said he hoped the parents of top financial executives would support the planned changes to the obligatory curriculum which would include a requirement to provide competitive sport for all bankers:
I want to use the example of competitive sport at the Olympics to end the ‘all must have prizes’ culture in our banks and get bankers back to being used to the idea of winning and losing so they can become fit and healthy members of society again.
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Can Cameron really not see the hypocrisy of expecting kids to get used to failing while at the same time allowing top bankers to get away with being awarded massive bonuses for their massive failures?
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Related articles by Tom Pride:
Independent Commission – excessive banking can cause blindness
Senior government adviser warns that problem banking families ‘have too many children’
Scientists Claim Tiny Sub-Atomic Traces of Ethics Discovered in Barclays
Team GB Piles Up The Gold In Sprint To Sell Off School Sports Fields
Rat warning as floods flush out pests from city boardrooms
Lest we forget – in 2007 Cameron endorsed even less regulation of banks than Labour ……
David Cameron is Jesus. Probably.
David Cameron’s Advanced Driving Tips
Confirmation – Cameron to play Buzz Lightyear in Tory Story 4
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‘Can Cameron really not see the hypocrisy of expecting kids to get used to failing while at the same time allowing top bankers to get away with being awarded massive bonuses for their massive failures?’….
Characteristic of narcissism is the belief that the rules apply to others, not themselves…. and these contradictions spill out without them having any sense that others wouldn’t accept their unique specialness
eg Bullingdon boy vandalism is boyish pranks but August rioters locked up for stealing a bottle of water…
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How would an improvement in competitiveness be achieved by making port compulsory in all state-run banks?
Must the bankers abandon the sherry and biscuits with which they traditionally plied customers?
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That difference is surely because members of the Bullingdon wear a distinctive and tailored uniform, whereas the low-life rioters did not.
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🙂 Of course you are right. Fashion crime is the most heinous of all!
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Port might be better than cocaine at reducing the risk-taking culture in financial institutions.
Better still – get them all smoking a bit of ganja before they start trading – that’ll be sure to chill ’em out a bit.
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Oh yes – the uniforms make all the difference.
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Yes, I can readily appreciate that port would be better than ‘marching powder’ or whatever it might be that they put up their noses, but I doubt that snorting port would really catch on – for one thing, it’s so messy and, for another, it has not been made illegal. But British banking was built upon a solid foundation of tea and crumpets and of sherry and biscuits. Can it be right to throw all that away, just because it is currently fashionable to talk about compulsory and competitive port for at least two hours every week?
As for the idea of getting the city to smoke ganja rather than cigars, not only would that send them mad from too much THC, it would ruin their palettes for fine sherry or the port they are going to be forced to drink.
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Reblogged this on Gogwit's Blog.
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Of course the uniforms make all the difference!
Without the uniforms, members of the Bullingdon might almost look like any other mob of rowdy hooligans.
With the uniforms, of course, the hoteliers and restaurateurs know who are responsible and that their daddies will pay for all damage incurred.
How many of last year’s rioters could say that?
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Thanks for the support.
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