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(satire)

(From the Daily Mail)

Conservative MPs have expressed outrage as figures just released suggest large parts of London’s Olympic podiums are being flooded with immigrants, children from mixed race families and people with ginger hair.

The new figures show non-white Olympic medal winners have reached their second highest levels ever despite Coalition promises to slash the number of successful GB athletes by not letting some of them stay in the country.

32-year-old Mail reader and Tory MP for Cannock Chase, Aidan Burley yesterday tweeted his ‘serious concern’ that there are now estimated to be more Muslims on at least one part of an athletics podium than previously estimated, while areas in Stratford and other parts of East London have twice as many non-white athletes winning medals than ever before.

But Tory immigration minister Damian Green promised that future sporting figures would reflect a much stricter visa regime:

Our tough new rules will make a real difference with a record 62 per cent drop in Olympic medals for team GB at the next Olympics, and overall falls in winning anything, creating sporting champions and British people setting world records.

As these policies start to bite we are going to see an end to the years under the previous Labour administration when net sporting prowess was consistently on the rise.

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Other articles by Tom Pride:

Daily Mail Apologises To Its Readers After Admitting Publishing Something True

The Day Satire Died. Daily Mail to sue blogger for defamation of character!

Tory MP demands return to traditional right-wing omnishambles after success of ‘lefty’ opening ceremony

Aidan Burley complains about lack of Nazi theme in ‘leftie’ Olympic ceremony

Oops! The Daily Mail accidentally supports a fascist party. Again.

Nazi Regrets ‘Offensive’ Tory Party

Serious Breach Of Security As Worker Smuggles Can of Pepsi Into Olympic Park

Rooftop missiles to target suspicious bus and tube passengers during Olympic Games

Al Qaeda affiliate G4S pins down thousands of UK troops in remote Stratford province

G4S Embassy Guards Sacked By US Government For Drinking Vodka Out Of Each Others’ Bottoms. Not satire – it’s true!

Oh dear! G4S were in charge of security at airport which let 9/11 hijackers slip through.

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