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(satire)

In the wake of the Sandy Hook school and Colorado theatre massacres, the US government is mulling over the theory that American people could be the missing link between mass firearms killings across the country.

A US government spokesperson said:

If you look at all the mass killings using firearms there have been in the US over the last few decades, it’s clear the one common link between them all is that American people were involved.

Perhaps it is time we had a real debate about the role of and the amount of US people we allow in our society.

Other experts however disagree. The National Rifle Association has vehemently denied there is any link at all between American people shooting American people and American people being shot by American people.

A spokesperson for the NRA explained:

It’s obvious the Colorado cinema killings were simply the result of too many batman movies being distributed to the general public. As patriotic Americans we are lobbying hard to end the free availability of batman films – a scandal which has blighted US society for so long.

And the latest massacre in an elementary school also clearly shows that we need to clamp down hard on the number of US school children going to school before any more tragedies like this happen again.

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Other articles by Tom Pride:

MoD Accused Of Abusing People’s Civil Rights While Killing Them

West Mulls Military Strikes Against IKEA

Serious Breach Of Security As Worker Smuggles Can of Pepsi Into Olympic Park

Rooftop missiles to target suspicious bus and tube passengers during Olympic Games

Al Qaeda affiliate G4S pins down thousands of UK troops in remote Stratford province

G4S Embassy Guards Sacked By US Government For Drinking Vodka Out Of Each Others’ Bottoms. Not satire – it’s true!

Oh dear! G4S were in charge of security at airport which let 9/11 hijackers slip through.

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