In urgent response to revelations of corruption and abuse by Barclays and other banks of the inter-bank lending rate, known as ‘Libor’, the government has ordered a radical review of the acronym after it was revealed it was being too true to its name by being so incredibly boring no-one can be bothered to understand what it means and also by being run by a bunch of crooks who have turned out to be lying.
The radical move to think of a different name is an attempt by the government to deal with the widening banking scandal which has revealed a shocking tendency within financial institutions to give appropriate names to widespread corrupt and immoral practices by top bankers – some of whom have been accused of openly using appropriate names such as ‘Goldman‘ and ‘Diamond‘ as well as using obviously misleading names such as ‘Goodman‘ who quite clearly wasn’t.
In response to the crisis, it has been revealed that the chancellor, George Osborne, is recommending that Barclays should consider changing its name to Barrocks – in order to reassure small and medium sized businesses in particular that its banking and lending operations are based on rock-hard financial foundations and not clay as everyone is starting to suspect.
It is also being reported that Bob Diamond, the chief executive of Barclays has been summoned to appear before the Commons Treasury select committee on Wednesday to explain why he has recklessly ignored advice to make changes to his name to avoid widespread suspicions that his personal interests may lie elsewhere other than in ensuring efficient and fair banking services to businesses.
Experts say the Barclays board have already recommended changes to the Chief Executive’s surname and are making moves to shore up small business confidence in the bank’s business financial support services by ensuring his name is changed to Bob I’mnotheretoonlyhelpmyselftoshedloadsofyourmoneyhonestly instead.
The moves follow Ed Miliband’s call for a public inquiry into the “institutional misnaming” of the banking industry after a series of banking scandals revealed that leading executives in financial institutions such as Goldman Sachs really are only interested in making sacks of gold for themselves and not a lot else.
On Friday the Bank of England governor, Sir Mervyn King, demanded a “real change in naming culture” as Britain’s lenders were left reeling after the controversy.
But the governor was immediately accused of hypocrisy after critics pointed out that calling himself ‘King’ while in charge of the Bank of England could lead to a critical groundswell of realisation by the public that it was bankers who were really in charge of the country and not elected politicians.
In answer to the accusations, Sir King said:
Well, yes, obviously something like ‘Emperor’ might be a more appropriate name, wouldn’t it?
He also dismissed the justice secretary, Kenneth Clarke’s idea that bankers who had committed crimes must be brought to trial, by pointing out that someone with such a badly-paid name like ‘Clarke‘ clearly wasn’t worth listening to.
In a related development, insiders are saying that doubts and nervousness around the nature of adverse public reaction to international bankers Merril Lynch have led to suggestions that the company could soon be changing its name to Merril LaughablySmallFine instead.
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