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(satire)

A special report on the possible damage which can be caused by excessive banking has said that too much out-of-control banking can lead to blindness in those who indulge in it too much.

The long-awaited Independent Commission on Banking (ICB) report has recommended that too much reliance on banking can result in severe blindness to hardships of everyday life and can seriously affect other senses causing a condition known by medical experts as acute ‘out-of-touch’ syndrome.

The ICB chairman, Sir John Vickers, said that safeguards needed to be put into place to protect society from the dangers of over-excessive banking and he has recommended that bankers who indulge in risky levels of banking should have their deposits ring-fenced to avoid harm to the rest of society:

Of course an occasional bank is perfectly healthy and indeed a certain amount of banking is normal but it’s got to the stage where people are openly banking even on our high streets. Some people may get too reliant on it and some even find they need a bank or two to help get them through the day, which can become very damaging and cause those who do it regularly to become completely blind to the hardships that too much banking can cause.

However, Britain’s chancellor George Osborne has said that while he was willing to put some curbs on excessive banking, he was wary that too many controls might force the biggest bankers to move out of Britain to places where they would be able to bank freely:

The chancellor recognises that everyone at some time may need a bank now and again and he’s aware that when it comes to banking, speed and urgency is of the utmost importance. But of course as everyone knows, the Conservative Party is a party which is full of big bankers – in fact many people say the chancellor is a bit of a banker himself – and that’s probably why he’s so blind to the reality of what his policies are doing to the country.

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The (Real) Definition Of Standard & Poor’s Credit Ratings…..

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