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Michael Gove, the Education Secretary, has announced plans to counter criticisms that the food served in Free Schools and Academies is not nutritious enough, by arranging free supplies of King James Bibles to be served in school canteens.

The move to improve children’s eating habits with unprocessed books such as the bible, which the Department of Education insist is low in sugar, salt and fat, comes after a report on nutrition in school dinners found that nine out of 10 academies were selling junk food.

However, some experts have criticised the move, saying that an unvaried diet rich in unprocessed hypocrisy, which they say can be found in the King James Bible in large amounts, is not healthy and young people should be encouraged to have a more balanced and varied diet of religious opinion instead.

One expert on nutrition explained:

We are worried that the easy availability of King James Bibles in vending machines in schools will undermine the successful efforts over the last few years to improve the quality of what is served up to our children in our schools. A diet too high in mediaeval hypocrisy can only lead to severe health problems in the future such as higher levels of intolerance to certain things, narrowing of the mind and hardening of the heart.

But a spokesperson for Mr Gove refuted the accusations, saying:

King James Bibles contain zero fat and are very low in calories, so it’s ridiculous to say they are harmful to children. We believe that every school pupil should have the opportunity to sample this book – so they can digest for themselves the impact it has had on our history, language, literature and dinners. Besides, if the children don’t want to eat a bible for lunch they can always fill themselves up at their parents’ expense on the crisps and other crap we’ve made sure are widely available in schools instead.


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