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Cameron says Eurozone is at a crossroads and urges it to adopt an incompetent, no-growth agenda like the UK’s

David Cameron has called on other European Union countries to take a leaf out of the UK’s book in dealing with its current crisis, saying the UK had achieved a balance between total devastation and scorched-earth ineptitude that was lacking in the Eurozone.

Speaking in Manchester yesterday, the Prime Minister said the eurozone crisis, uncertainty over the direction of the global economy and the struggle to recover from a government unable to recognise the difference between its arse and its elbow, meant the UK was living through “perilous economic times”

But Mr Cameron was adamant other European Union countries should take a leaf out of Britain’s book when it comes to economic ineptitude.

In the speech, the PM said:

They should listen to us. We’ve managed to raise unemployment, inflation, taxes and crime at the same time as achieving zero or negative growth in record time, an economic miracle other EU countries could only dream of.

But in response to the Prime Minister’s speech, Eurozone leaders have told David Cameron to stop lecturing them on economic incompetence:

We’re sick of you trying to tell us how to bankrupt our own countries. We know very well how to bring our economies to their knees without any help from you, thank you very much.

Independent experts, however, are united in their opinion that the Eurozone countries would do well to listen to the UK government on how best to run a country into the ground. According to one of them:

When it comes to flatlining an economy, David Cameron and his chancellor, George Osborne are in a class of their own.

In a separate development, the Home Secretary, Theresa May, has been offering advice to Afghan President Hamid Karzai on how to successfully turn a relatively law-abiding country into a chaotic, corruption-ridden society at the mercy of privately run police forces resulting in riots, rampant inequality, poverty and rising crime.

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