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The Royal Navy has announced it is to shelve plans to use F-35C fighter planes on its aircraft carriers after operational tests revealed government ministers in charge of the project were poor value for money, frequently unreliable and prone to making unexpected dangerous U-turn maneuvers at the last-minute.

A spokesperson for the Royal Navy explained the reasons for the decision:

Reliability and effectiveness are obviously extremely important during any military conflict that may arise and – as the government is clearly neither reliable or effective – we have decided to mothball their plans to replace jump jets with FC-35C fighter aircraft.

Defence experts say that from an operational point of view it would be cheaper in the long term to replace the government, instead of the planes. The cost of the U-turn is likely to be about £100m – not to mention the £2bn cost of adapting the aircraft carriers – and coalition plans mean the aircraft carriers would not be operational until 2023, eight years later than replacing government ministers at the next election instead.

Defence Secretary Philip Hammond said the changes reflected new facts which had emerged from operational tests, which show the government was unreliable, feckless and prone to making sudden u-turns when least expected:

“The facts have changed and therefore so too must our approach. For example, as soon as we discovered how completely incompetent we are at governing, we decided the responsible thing to do was to examine the decisions we have been making and change them back to the previous Labour government’s plans, however inconvenient that may be.

As part of its SDSR defence spending review, the government has decided to mothball itself, a move which defence experts say would lead to significant savings, increases in preparedness and effectiveness as well as overall improvements in defensive capability.

The government announced it would be monitoring the success of its new defence policy to ditch itself and revert back to the previous Labour government’s decisions, and said it could lead to similar decisions being taken to jettison its own failing policies on other matters, such as the economy, health and education, and use Labour’s ideas instead.


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