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Boris Johnson tells PM he has winning Tory formula

Boris Johnson has told David Cameron that his brand of ‘compassionate cosmopolitan Buffoonery’ provides the best chance for the party to rejuvenate itself across Britain and secure an overall parliamentary majority at the next general election.

In a clear signal that he will continue to differentiate himself from his fellow Etonian, Johnson said that Cameron’s “bone-dry” Tory economics can only triumph if the Prime Minister appeals beyond his traditional base more by not combing his hair so much, swearing at least once or twice on live television and appearing on Have I Got News For You.

One source close to the London Mayor said:

Boris has championed a cosmopolitan and camp Conservatism, combining it with a serious approach on the economy, which mainly consists of swearing a lot and telling dodgy jokes about black people.  If Boris had been seen as a straightforward Conservative, he would have been massacred.

In his victory, finally announced at City Hall late on Friday night, Johnson showed his personal appeal by performing more strongly in the mayoral contest than the more traditional Tory candidates standing in the parallel elections for the London assembly, most of whom, unlike Johnson, insisted on combing their hair before public appearances and not swearing during their campaigns.

In a statement after winning the London Mayor election for a second time, Mr Johnson denied his long-term aim was to become Prime Minister himself, and as a means to that end, would be standing as an MP at the next general election in 2015:

I made a solemn vow to Londoners that I would continue with my political mission of providing them with more mirth, japes and jolliness as well as deliver the high-jinks, jocularity and buffoonery that this city so desperately needs in this time of economic hardship. Keeping that promise cannot be combined with any other political capacity, such as being Prime Minister, particularly as that would mean I’d probably have to comb my hair occasionally, especially before state visits and things.

A spokesperson for David Cameron said:

The Prime Minister realises the results of the local elections show that the public are looking for a change of direction from the government. That is why, even though he usually hates being seen in public with uncombed hair, the Prime Minister is considering just combing the top bit for a while and allowing the sides to get a bit more unruly. Although how that will go down with the more traditional and Conservative wing of the party is anybody’s guess.

But Johnson’s supporters say the Prime Minister needs to take heed to Johnson’s advice and that his stance on social issues, economics and hair styling is the only model that can ensure success for the party nationally:

Boris has shown that you can get away with sucking up to the City of London and calling for tax cuts for the rich if you have crazy blond hair which sticks up a lot. Boris didn’t do much about building affordable homes or lowering transport fares in his four years as Mayor, but he did manage to say the ‘F’ word a couple of times on live television as well as appear on Eastenders. If Cameron wants to repeat Boris’s success, he’s going to have to go one better, grow himself a hair cut worse than Donald Trump’s and not iron his shirt for interviews. And inserting the ‘C’ word once or twice in his speeches occasionally might help too.


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Cameron – focus on local issues in the elections, not the abysmal national ones

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Osborne – fat-cat bakers responsible for economic crisis

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