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A controversial method used by the government to extract urine out of the public should be extended, a government-named panel of experts has said.

The process involves pumping large amounts of bullshit and crap into the population via electronic and paper media at high pressure in order to make sure that huge reservoirs of public indifference are utilised to the greatest effect by the government.

The method – popularly known as ‘shafting’ – is also seen as a relatively cheap way of ensuring the country’s natural resources are extracted and made available for exploitation by public schoolboys and their friends.

But critics have warned of possible side effects – including the possibility of unforeseen consequences for the government – if too much urine is extracted out of the public too quickly.

Test shafting of the population was halted temporarily recently when several downward movements in the government’s popularity were detected. However, experts believe that any further downward shifts due to large urine extractions out of the population are not likely to cause significant damage to the government.

Large amounts of hot air and gas are commonly produced by relatively weak but thick sedimentary politicians, typically found in places far out of touch from the rest of the country, such as Westminster.


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