(satire – sort of)
George Osborne has said he was “shocked” to discover that the Chancellor of the Exchequer pays “virtually no” income tax at all.
Mr Osborne said he had been surprised to see tax returns submitted by himself which use aggressive avoidance schemes to dramatically reduce his tax bill so he has to pay as little as 10% income tax to himself.
For his part, the Chancellor hit back, saying he had found hundreds of millions of pounds of income tax was being avoided by Mr Osborne using legal loopholes and pledged to clamp down hard on himself to make sure he didn’t allow himself to get away with it.
I was shocked to see how rich people like me have organised our tax affairs, so that we regularly pay virtually no income tax. I’m talking about people right at the top like me. I’m talking about people with incomes of many millions of pounds a year, like me. In fact, I’m talking about me. And so is the Chancellor.
The statement by the chancellor comes after experts have expressed concerns at Mr Osborne’s handling of the economy, especially the fact that the Chancellor doesn’t seem to even realise sometimes that he is actually Mr Osborne:
It also comes after a hundred leading economists called for the government to consider radically altering its course for the economy by doing something – anything at all – to avoid another recession. Their proposals, in a manifesto entitled “A Plan For the Economy: It’s Good To Have One“, was launched in London on Monday. They included detailed suggestions for Mr Osborne to consider, including:
• Doing something about the economy.
• Giving a shit about unemployment.
• Giving a shit about motorists.
• Giving a shit about grannies.
• Giving a shit about anyone.
• Being aware that he is actually the chancellor.
• Being aware that being chancellor doesn’t mean you just waltz around in chauffeur driven cars going from meeting to meeting but means you sometimes have to actually do things. Especially about the economy.
• Realising that most people don’t have millions stashed away in off-shore bank accounts to cushion themselves in times of hardship.
• Eating more pasties
In response, Mr Osborne said that the Conservatives were committed to transparency and that he would be ‘very happy’ to consider openly eating a pasty before the next general election.
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