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The Liberal Democrats could well be perceived by the public in future elections as being ‘a few candidates short of a full deck’ after figures were released which show that the party will not be fielding candidates in key town hall battles in the local polls next month.

As a result of the Liberal Democrats’ illogical decision to enter into a coalition with the Tories and their inexplicable support for their coalition partner’s policies, such as NHS reforms, tuition fees and state incursions into civil liberties, far fewer sane and balanced people are willing to stand as Liberal Democrat candidates, meaning that the Liberal Democrats are fast becoming a party which is seen by the public as being ‘several votes short of a deposit’.

In a report prepared for the Liberal Democrat leader, Nick Clegg, a survey of voters has shown that the Liberal Democrats are now perceived by most people as being a party which is:

      • ……….several candidates short of a full deck.
      • ………….. a few votes shy of a deposit.
      • …………. a pair of balls short of a leader.
      • ……………. a couple of vetos short of a moderating influence.
      • …………a ginger cracker short of a treasury minister.
      • ………… a couple of broken pledges short of an election promise.
      • …………… a set of principles short of a manifesto.
      • ……………… a clegg sandwich short of an election picnic.

Political experts are all agreed that the Liberal Democrats’ electoral tactics to present themselves as being several bananas short of a fruit salad will mean the party may now struggle to gain credence with the more sensible parts of the electorate:

The Liberal Democrats have worked hard in the last two years to show everyone what a bunch of harebrained wackos they are which is why they may find it difficult to connect with the concerns of any averagely sane voter in future elections.

A spokesperson for Mr Clegg explained that the party’s election strategy was to focus on the more independent voters who would normally vote for non-mainstream parties with manifestos which are clearly bonkers:

We’re aware that no-one in their right mind would vote for us now we’ve sold out all our principles for the sake of a little bit of power – and that’s why we’ve decided to concentrate our resources on trying to attract the batty out-to-lunch ones instead. We’re hoping to appeal to the sort of voters who don’t mind their elected representatives being several walnuts short of a fruitcake, such as the bunch of crackpots who normally vote for the Monster Raving Loony Party, UKIP and the BNP.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

Lib Dems Hail ‘Sensational Victory’ In Bradford West By-Election

Experts Delve Mystery Of LibDem Love For ‘Dear Leader’

Previously Unknown ‘Liberal Democratic’ Party Makes Breakthrough In Feltham Byelection

Having principles would finish us, Nick Clegg tells Lib Dems

Liberal Democrats Threaten To Become Very Cross Over EU Veto

All Lib Dem Ministers Should Face Charges Of Justifying The Course Of Perversion

Nick Clegg Hails 2011 ‘Breakthrough Year’ As Party Skates On Thin Ice

My love that dare not speak its name – by Nick Clegg

Nick Clegg announces £126m scheme to encourage employers to take on unemployed Lib Dem politicians after next election

The media is wrong. The LDs didn’t rebel against the NHS bill.

Lib Dems Vote To Support Scottish Independence By Privatising NHS in England

Lib’ Dem’s Win Major Concessions From Tories Over NHS Bill Punctuation

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