Panic has broken out across the UK as low levels of government competence reached crisis levels after ministers called for people to top up on pies and petrol.
David Cameron today sought to calm the crisis by reassuring the public that ministers’ supplies of adequacy, although low, will not run out in the face of all-out shambles in the government
Self-inflicted shortages
Retailers’ organisations have accused ministers of “making a crisis out of a serious concern” and said the Prime Minister should have sought advice weeks ago on how to avoid the obvious shortages of aptitude amongst his government ministers.
In an interview, the Prime Minister defended his total lack of caliber and told the public that panic was unnecessary:
I can assure everyone that the lack of government competency is a temporary issue and we are replenishing supplies of aptitude to ministers as quickly as we can.
Mr Cameron was speaking after convening a meeting of Cobra, the emergency committee, to examine ways of resolving the current crisis of government incompetence which is now considered to be a real threat to the nation’s security.
Mr Cameron insisted the government was doing all it could to address the shortages of government adequacy that have been causing panic in many areas:
Many of our politicians rely on external stockpiles of capability and without regular deliveries they very quickly run dry of competence.
The BBC’s transport correspondent said one of the reasons the government was incompetently advising people to fill up with pasties was because the capability of its ministers was three or four times lower than anyone could ever have expected.
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Related articles by Tom Pride:
Cameron announces emergency game of badminton to deal with fuel crisis
Don’t panic-buy and fill-up on pasties, public urged
Osborne – fat-cat bakers responsible for economic crisis
Government Announces Radical New Branson Pickles Initiative
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You clearly know about the future as well as the past 300y Tom… you could hardly have just guessed that baked snacks would continue to be a theme with the Tory/LDs when you wrote
‘Osborne – fat-cat bakers responsible for economic crisis’
Are you the real Dr ?
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Yes – amazing that.
I’m actually convinced this government is making its decisions entirely based on making my life easier when it comes to satirising them.
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You may be right but I fear that they are trying to compete … and sometimes they succeed in outstripping even your genius 🙂
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Oh they’re so good at it. Pasties, grannies, badminton, cats. Brilliant.
And when oh when is Cameron going to bring Liam Fox back into the cabinet?
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