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Panic has broken out across the UK as low levels of government competence reached crisis levels after ministers called for people to top up on pies and petrol.

David Cameron today sought to calm the crisis by reassuring the public that ministers’ supplies of adequacy, although low, will not run out in the face of all-out shambles in the government

Self-inflicted shortages

Retailers’ organisations have accused ministers of “making a crisis out of a serious concern” and said the Prime Minister should have sought advice weeks ago on how to avoid the obvious shortages of aptitude amongst his government ministers.

In an interview, the Prime Minister defended his total lack of caliber and told the public that panic was unnecessary:

I can assure everyone that the lack of government competency is a temporary issue and we are replenishing supplies of aptitude to ministers as quickly as we can.

Mr Cameron was speaking after convening a meeting of Cobra, the emergency committee, to examine ways of resolving the current crisis of government incompetence which is now considered to be a real threat to the nation’s security.

Mr Cameron insisted the government was doing all it could to address the shortages of government adequacy that have been causing panic in many areas:

Many of our politicians rely on external stockpiles of capability and without regular deliveries they very quickly run dry of competence.

The BBC’s transport correspondent said one of the reasons the government was incompetently advising people to fill up with pasties was because the capability of its ministers was three or four times lower than anyone could ever have expected.


Related articles by Tom Pride:

Cameron announces emergency game of badminton to deal with fuel crisis

Don’t panic-buy and fill-up on pasties, public urged

Osborne – fat-cat bakers responsible for economic crisis

Government Announces Radical New Branson Pickles Initiative


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