In an interview before he presents his budget next week, the Chancellor announced he intends to lower taxes for public workers in the poorer regions of the country and cut wages for people earning over £150,000 a year.
When asked why sources in the government had said he was in fact going to do the opposite, namely cut taxes for people earning over £150,000 a year and lower wages for public servants in the poorest regions of the country, the chancellor said:
Oh dash. I knew I’d get it the wrong way round. What was the question again?
In a wide ranging interview, which included government policy on fiscal stimulus and pay restraint, Mr Osborne was asked to explain why he had decided to lower the 50% tax for the highest earners when he had vowed to reduce the government deficit and why he was going to lower wages for workers in the hardest hit regions of the country during a time of austerity. Mr Osborne explained:
It’s easy to get a bit muddled up when you’ve got all these numbers everywhere to deal with. But anyway, I think I’ve got it now. Either I’m going to raise taxes on people in poorer areas or lower their wages. Or was it their taxes I was going to lower? Is it important? Can I call David?
Mr Osborne was also asked about how he thought his policies were going to impact on supply and demand by avoiding excessive growth in the money supply and how he intended to change fiscal policy related to its effects on Producer Price Indices and stabilising CPI. Mr Osborne replied:
Erm………… I’ll get my coat, shall I?
George Osborne’s previous job before becoming Chancellor of the Exchequer was as a towel folder in Selfridges.
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Sir, I can assure you that George Osborne was never employed a a towel folder in Selfridges. We, at Selfridges, pride ourselves in the skill,ability and probity of our staff. On his application form, Mr Osborne gave as his referees the Chief Executive of Fortnum and Masons, and the Dowager Countess of Berkshire. We investigate the latter, before testing the former.
The Chief Executive at Fortnum and Masons said the only Osborne of whom he had any recollection was a lad of good family who was respectfully requested never to return to Fortnums after an incident involving top hatted members of a Oxford Club, the disappearance of a magnum of champagne and 6 portions of Eton Mess in silver souffle dishes, and the evidence of the evacuation of a stomach on a £1200 cashmere coat in the Gentleman’s Sale.
The Dowager Countess of Berkshire is apparently a fictional character from a work of juvenile pornography.
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