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(satire)

Emma Harrison, the woman appointed by David Cameron to help get tax payers’ money off benefits and into her own pocket, has issued a statement explaining why she has decided to pay herself a dividend of £8.6m siphoned off from her firm’s lucrative “workfare” contracts with the government.

Ms Harrison is the chair of A4e, which specialises in that very modern practice known as “welfare to pocket”, in which private companies are paid to reduce the amount of money the government spends on jobless people by diverting it to themselves instead.

But after officers from Thames Valley police raided A4e’s offices in Slough as part of a fraud inquiry, the company was forced to defend its record.

Ms Harrison explained:

A4e has always taken very seriously the very important role we have been given of making sure the millions of pounds of taxpayers’ money we have been trusted with is effectively used to provide big bonuses, fast cars and expensive holidays for ourselves.

A spokesperson for the Prime Minister, David Cameron, explained why the coalition government had decided to give away so much taxpayers’ money to companies like A4e:

When Labour was in power they thought the solution to every problem was to just throw more and more taxpayers’ money at it. This government, however, realises that the solution to every problem is to throw more and more taxpayers’ money at privately-owned companies instead. Especially ones run by our friends.

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