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A group of experts, paid huge amounts of money by private corporations to investigate the myth of human disability and sickness, have concluded that the theory of global human ailing and the existence of serious sickness across the world is a hoax.

In the report, the experts say there is no scientific basis to conclude that global disability and illnesses exist at all and they state that on the balance of available evidence, the so-called ‘disability deniers’ were right all along.

A spokesperson for the UK government explained the significance of these findings:

This study unequivocally proves that there is no such thing as disability in the world and also shows clearly that the previously widespread belief, that people can get so sick they are unable to work, is a myth. That is why we are stopping all benefits for disabled and sick people, who should now admit the hoax they have been foisting on the world population for their own ends. So called disabled people and the terminally ill should get out their wheelchairs, throw away their sticks and get a job. Even though there aren’t any.

The government spokesperson went on to say that there are no lengths and no depths to which ‘sick people’ — so-called ‘cancer patients’ and ‘blind people’ for example —will not go to advance the greatest hoax of the modern era:

People are really angry about this. We are seeing a real change in the climate now – with Daily Mail readers understandably hurling abuse at people in wheelchairs and showing the disabled they will no longer tolerate their deceit. The “science” of human frailty served up by the international community has been a pack of lies from the beginning, and can now be exposed as a cover for the bunch of benefit scroungers they really are.

The government spokesperson said that the ‘tide had now turned’ and more and more people were coming to the conclusion that disability and life threatening ailments in the world do not exist:

It used to be called “Human Disability”, but when that was exposed as false, based on falsified computer models put out by the UN Intergovernmental Panel on Health Change, the term “Not Feeling Very Well” was adopted to mask it. This report finally puts to rest once and for all the myth that people get sick sometimes or are disabled.

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That’s the satire. But for a taste of what reality is like for the disabled and the sick in today’s Britain, see this excellent article:

What WILL I do?

And if you think I’m exaggerating by suggesting severely disabled people such as the blind and the terminally ill are being told they can’t have benefits because they have to work, see here:

3 Claimants die after being found “Fit for Work”

and here:

Blind man Tony Harris told he is fit for work

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For more articles by Tom Pride on this subject, see here:

The government has finally done something so outrageous even I can’t be bothered to satirise it

‘Tory’ Syndrome – symptoms include knee-jerk reactions and offensive outbursts

Struggling to find words to describe this government? Here’s a list to help you.

No hidden agenda behind government’s Training & Experience for the Sick, Crippled & Old programme

Tory minister – no shortage of jobs for disabled toddlers

Department of Work & Pensions – Death No Reason Not To Be Classified As ‘Fit For Work’

Government Responds To Banking Crisis By Cutting Benefits For Disabled Kids

Government – Light-Touch Regulation Of The Disabled To Blame For Economic Crisis

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