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The government has denied it has a secret agenda to promote profiteering by private companies in its workfare programme, known as Training and Experience for the Sick, Crippled and Old.

It also denied accusations that its policies on improving the health and diet of the population is being unduly influence by fast food companies in its ground breaking programme known as Reduction of Obesity through Nutrition, Active Lifestyle and Diet.

A government spokesperson explained:

There is no truth whatsoever in the accusations that the government is somehow being unduly influenced by private companies in compiling its health and social welfare policies. There is no hidden agenda in either our T.E.S.C.O. programme for helping the unemployed and disabled return to work or hidden messages behind our R.O.N.A.L.D. programme to change the eating habits of the nation.

When asked what the clever hidden anagram might be behind the government’s newy announced programme for reform of the NHS, known as P.A.Y.U.P.O.R.D.I.E. – the spokesperson again denied it and explained:

There isn’t one. It’s just that under our reforms people will have to pay up for their healthcare or die. That’s all

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That’s a relief then. I was beginning to worry the only logical reasoning behind the government’s health and welfare policies might be to promote profiteering by private companies at the expense of everyone else.

Phew.

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