• Widespread deep depressions and expectations down to -9C
• Met Office issues warning as spirits reach record new lows
• Gloomy forecasts as heavy falls of cashflow expected
Heavy drifts of woe are expected across much of Britain as grim conditions cause massive falls of optimism, prompting spells of cold sweat around the nation.
A black conditions warning – the highest level – was issued by the Met Office, with deep falls in living standards of up to 15cm expected, along with future expectations falling as low as -9C.
Latest forecasts suggest peace of mind will start falling from 5pm on Saturday this year until 2015, with the heaviest dumps between 2013 and 2014.
Met Office forecaster Steve Randall said average falls of contentment could be as much as 4-8cm (1.5-3.5in), including in London, but some easterly parts and high areas could expect even worse conditions:
There is a band of pain moving eastwards and this could rapidly turn into outbreaks of woe and drifts of despair.
The north of England, together with Wales will be the worst affected by the harsh economic climate but Scotland could expect less severe conditions as they are more sheltered from the cold Tory wind of indifference which has taken hold in England. The pain and woe is expected to continue indefinitely although it will be replaced by more greedy conditions eventually with extreme callousness expected to be an additional hazard in many areas.
The deep freeze in caring for the poor, the sick and the vulnerable has seen gloominess reach new lows and levels of tolerance plummet four or five degrees lower than average for this period of time under a Tory government.
In response to the gloomy predictions, a spokesperson for the government said:
Actually we wouldn’t know what the weather’s like in the UK because we’re all abroad on expensive holidays at the moment, and if truth be known, we couldn’t really give a toss about it to be honest.
When asked what the government was planning to do to protect the elderly who are at grave risk in such harsh conditions, the spokesperson said:
Well if it’s really as cold as you say it is, pensioners should get out and warm themselves up by doing a spot of snowboarding or something instead of expecting the government to do it all for them, shouldn’t they?
.
Please feel free to comment – you don’t need to register and I’m extremely minimal with the moderating – so fire away.
.
By the way, if you click on any of these buttons below, you’ll be doing me a huge favour by sharing this article with other people. Thanks:
Judith Kavanagh-Roylance said:
Hi Tom, Absoluetly brilliant. I chuckled all the way through even though it is a sad reflection on life under the Tories. I’m not a pensioner (yet !!) but I am disabled and I get no help to keep warm. I cannot image how bad it will be when I’m an O.A.P. having to decide whether to freeze to death or starve ?? Neither are great choices, I tyhink there will be more pill related suicides the longer these people are in power. Why cant there be a vote of no confidence in the coalition ?? And get rid of them. I suppose I can only hope !!!!
LikeLike
Judith Kavanagh-Roylance said:
Excuse mad writing please, my PC is playing up.
LikeLike
Tom Pride said:
Thanks. I hope in 2015 enough people will have seen what’s happening and turf them out of power. Yes – we can only hope.
LikeLike
Pingback: Lib Dems Vote To Support Scottish Independence By Privatising NHS in England « Pride's Purge
Pingback: England’s human wildlife faces tragedy as worst moral drought in 30 years hits habitats « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Grannies are ‘mugging taxpayers’ says Osborne « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Did you know the name Gideon is Hebrew for ‘Destroyer’. Really. « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Brutal Gang Leaders Force Nation’s Grannies Off Front Pages « Pride's Purge
Pingback: George Osborne ‘shocked’ at level of his own tax avoidance « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Wildlife and farming disaster warning as incompetence spreads across England « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Will Power: new poll finds 66% in favour of government using it « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Government to reduce energy costs with more hot air « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Gov’ plan to reduce UK deficit – and bankers’ pay – by 100,000% « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Peasants free to breed in peace as minister drops plans to shoot them « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Labour ‘too reliant’ on banking community leaders for votes « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne: UK economic recovery being killed off by Euro 2012 players « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Independent Commission – excessive banking can cause blindness « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Ongoing Eurozone crisis may force UK to seek new excuses for its own mess, warns Cameron « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Jimmy Carr morally wrong to avoid taxes without donating anything to us says David Cameron « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Gordon Brown To Blame For Crisis in Depp, Paradis Relationship « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Stock markets fall as Greece finally forced out of Euro by Germans « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Old Codger Cull Given The Go Ahead In Two Areas Of England « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Lest we forget – in 2007 Cameron endorsed even less regulation of banks than Labour …… « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Government Cracks Down On Banking Scandals By Ordering Urgent Name Change Of LIBOR To TRUBOR « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Banking Scandal – inquiry to be led by experts on corruption, lying and stealing: MPs « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Scientists Claim Tiny Sub-Atomic Traces of Ethics Discovered in Barclays « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Diamond Blames Whitehall Officials For Allowing Him To Be An Obscenely Overpaid Loan Shark « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Top Tories – Osborne not fit to run the country, just its economy « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Top Tories – Osborne not fit to run the country into the ground, just its economy « Pride's Purge
Pingback: New government rules – teachers to get just £2 million payout after dismissal for incompetence « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Senior government adviser warns that problem banking families ‘have too many children’ « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Rat warning as floods flush out pests from city boardrooms « Pride's Purge
Pingback: While the government does nothing about corporate tax evasion – plumbers are going to prison for it « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Ministers Admit Paying Tradesmen Cash-In-Hand To Run Country « Pride's Purge
Pingback: UK suffers worst double-dipstick chancellor in 50 years « Pride's Purge
Pingback: George Osborne faces calls from leading economists for U-turn on fecklessness « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Summer boost for UK economy as Osborne takes holiday from running it « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Wildlife experts blast UK media for suggesting lions in Essex might be ‘loose’ « Pride's Purge
Pingback: SUN EXCLUSIVE – HARDSHIP handouts for unemployed WASTED on food, kids and staying alive! « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Government To Boost Jobs By Making It Easier For Employers To Kill Their Staff « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Moody’s downgrades Moody’s on excessively materialistic outlook and crap forecasts « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Full-scale codger cull set to get government go-ahead « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Romney – Hurricane Sandy is God’s way of telling us Wall St needs more bailing out « Pride's Purge
bobchewie said:
Read a comment recently. It said there were no austerity measures just minor budget cutbacks due to labours wreckless welfare spending. So there you have it.
LikeLike
Pingback: Romney – “I can fix broken Washington – by outsourcing it to China” « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Barclays Pays Executive £3m to Clamp Down on High Pay « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Most Britons support ban on fox, hunt and other annoying Tory MPs, survey finds « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Iceland gives bankers 9 months in prison – while in the UK we knight them « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Zoologists – Vince Cable and Ed Balls ready to mate soon « Pride's Purge
Pingback: So most farmers support the badger cull? Erm, no actually, they don’t. | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne claims public sector net borrowing targets missed as a result of badgers moving them | Pride's Purge
Pingback: The press is lying. National Trust members DIDN’T vote against a ban on culling badgers | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Personal debt to banks: £1.4tn. Taxpayer-funded bailout to banks: £1.6tn. Connection? | Pride's Purge