Here are the Chancellor’s top 10 excuses as to why his economy has broken down after nearly 2 years in a close relationship with it:
1) It’s not me, it’s you.
2) It wasn’t my fault, it was your relationship with Labour / the sick and the disabled / the EU that’s to blame.
3) My economy doesn’t understand me.
4) The fat cats ate the recovery.
5) Recession means nothing to me – it was just a one-off that lasted 2 years.
6) I only did it to be sure I love me.
7) I’d already broken up with the economy so technically it wasn’t cheating.
8) I tried to ignore the recession but it just wouldn’t leave me alone.
9) The recovery’s in the post.
10) We only slept in the same bed, honestly, nothing happened – the economy just needed somewhere to crash, that’s all.
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