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(satire)

Scotland’s First Minister, Alex Salmond’s opponents have accused him of deceiving voters by making claims he is a “belisha beacon”, when in fact he’s a 57 year-old Scottish politician.

A senior Labour shadow cabinet member said that by claiming his SNP government was a beacon of progressive politics when in reality it has worsened the outlook for Scotland’s most disadvantaged, Salmond was less like a flashing orange light on a stick and more like a pedestrian shopping precinct. Margaret Curran, the shadow Scottish secretary, explained her reasoning:

He’s full of bollards.

Criticising Mr Salmond’s headline policies on free prescriptions, free university tuition for Scottish residents and freezing the council tax for not being targeted so they benefited mainly the richest people, Ms Curran however accepted there were were some similarities between Mr Salmond and a pedestrian crossing:

He’s definitely good when it comes to crossings. Especially the double kind.

A spokesperson for the Scottish Conservatives joined in the attacks on the SNP leader for saying he was a beacon and in a statement, compared him to a waste bin instead:

He’s full of rubbish.

Mr Salmond, in reply to the Scottish Conservatives’ statement, hit back:

Well if that’s the best street furniture pun the Scottish Tories can come up with, no wonder there are more pandas crossing over here than there are Tory MPs.

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