Tags
(It’s not satire – it’s George Osborne!)
The Genius Of George Osborne
.
People are completely wrong about the Chancellor George Osborne.
He’s not a wanker at all. He’s a genius.
Yes, I know he looks like a wanker. And he sounds like one. And OK, he quite often acts like one too. But I’m getting fed up of people criticising him without looking at the facts.
So here they are:
2012 – A Year Of Growth
Credit where credit’s due – Mr Osborne had told us his 2012 budget would be a budget for growth and that is exactly what he gave us.
Just look at this raft of growth figures under his stewardship of the economy:
- Inflation has grown from under 3% to nearly 6%.
- Unemployment has soared to levels not seen for 18 years.
- Bankruptcies have nearly doubled.
- Top executives’ pay has shot up by as much as 50% in the last year.
- The gap between rich and poor is now wider than it’s ever been in history.
- Sales of antidepressants have risen by 20%.
- Crime is increasing for the first time in 16 years (although Theresa May might try to claim credit for this particular success).
- Homelessness is 13% higher.
- VAT has gone up to 20%.
- The cost of living is rocketing – prices of basic foodstuff have gone up by an average of 6.2%.
- Rail fares are set to rise 5.9% in the new year.
- Hospital waiting times are lengthening.
- The number of recessions has doubled in less than 2 years.
- And after all that – what is the net result on UK debt? Aggregate indebtedness of the UK is now 11% of GDP higher than when Mr Osborne took over as Chancellor.
Brilliant!
In fact the Chancellor has managed to achieve something even his Tory Chancellor predecessors of the 80s and 90s, John Major, Norman Lamont and Kenneth Clarke couldn’t do. Unlike them, George doesn’t think high unemployment is a price worth paying for low inflation because George has managed the difficult balancing act of producing both high inflation and high unemployment at the same time!
So come on all you Gideon doubters, admit it! That’s not bad for a man whose only job was as a towel folder in Selfridges before he was put in charge of the British economy. Is it?
For more dazzling information on George’s brilliance, here are some other articles by Tom Pride:
UK suffers worst double-dipstick chancellor in 50 years
Did you know the name Gideon is Hebrew for ‘Destroyer’. Really.
What if George Osborne doesn’t know he’s the Chancellor?
Countdown – red faces as contestant spells out naughty word from OBSOREN
George Osborne ‘shocked’ at level of his own tax avoidance
Osborne Blames Chancellor For Lacklustre Economy
ONS Figures – Osborne’s inflated claims reach new 3 year high
Loss-Making Osborne To Be Sold Off to US Conglomerate
Doctors – Osborne Should Seek Help
100 economic experts tell Osborne: time for A Plan. Any Plan.
.
Please feel free to comment – you don’t need to register and I’m extremely minimal with the moderating – so fire away:
.
Pingback: I recommend this blogpost | Alan Gibbons’ Blog
warriet said:
gosh what a lot of growth, bet the head hunters are clamouring already or perhaps he’s hoping to be invited to run the ECB or the IMF or perhaps even the Federal Reserve? Such talent will surely not be unremarked or unrewarded?
*typo alert – for “run” read “ruin”
LikeLike
Tom Pride said:
Yes the IMF are experts at running economies. They’ve been telling third world world leaders how to run their economies into the ground and over a cliff for decades and now they’re doing the same to the first world too. Osborne would be perfect in the job.
LikeLike
warriet said:
would probably fit right in after visiting a decent tailor and hiring a personal trainer to advise him on body language, diction and so forth so that his confused shambolic mendacity is not quite so obvious on the world stage
LikeLike
Pam Field @earwiggle said:
Brilliant Tom, as always!
LikeLike
DianeHain said:
This proves Osborne to be the essence of Tory ideology, demonstrating that the price is worth paying for the rich, because they get richer, and the rest of the population take the hit. In fact, if they can persuade us it’s for our benefit with mistruths, fear and lies, divide us by evoking psychological warfare on poor and disadvantaged, degrade unions and create a war or two they can sit back and watch us fight while they rack up the power and take all the cream for themselves while we’re preoccupied tearing ourselves to bits.
LikeLike
warriet said:
Exactly, that is what is happening now with breathtaking cynicism. Have to assume that the Bullingdon chums are determined to extract as much wealth every which way possible before The Fall, that they know how bad the problems really are and that their unbridled greed will not last forever.
LikeLike
Pingback: Countdown – red faces as contestant spells out naughty word from OBSOREN « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Andrew Lansley Wins UK Big Brother « Pride's Purge
Jazzy Merry said:
I accept he is brilliant at what he does but that does not mean he isn’t a wanker.
LikeLike
blackwillow1 (@blackwillow1) said:
Growth indeed, like a cancerous tumour. We must maintain a sense of humour. As the right wing prosper and we bear the brunt, remember it’s all thanks to that ugly c**t! Ordinary Dave with his oily charm, knows fu** all, except how to smarm. Lansley with his lousy reforms, and Clegg and co.The devil’s spawn. Each one has a choice to make, help the people, or feel the hate.
LikeLike
Pingback: Osborne poised to cut taxes for the poor – slash wages for the rich. Or something. « Pride's Purge
Pingback: David Cameron unveils plan to sell off the poor « Pride's Purge
Pingback: England’s human wildlife faces tragedy as worst moral drought in 30 years hits habitats « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Grannies are ‘mugging taxpayers’ says Osborne « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Did you know the name Gideon is Hebrew for ‘Destroyer’. Really. « Pride's Purge
Chris said:
Where is the source of information that antidepressant sales have increased. I want to quote it for the benefit of people who suspected as much
LikeLike
Tom Pride said:
Hi Chris – sorry I should have put it in the article. I’ve put the link in now.
Here it is:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2011/dec/30/antidepressant-use-england-soars?INTCMP=SRCH
LikeLike
warriet said:
at what he does?? better at mendacity the the rest of the shower I suppose
LikeLike
Pingback: Brutal Gang Leaders Force Nation’s Grannies Off Front Pages « Pride's Purge
Tom Pride said:
Yes – I agree. He knows – like all of them do – that what he’s doing isn’t good for the economy and these are political decisions not economic ones.
LikeLike
Pingback: George Osborne ‘shocked’ at level of his own tax avoidance « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Cameron Lectures Eurozone On How to Ruin Economy « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Rupert Murdoch denies claims he may sell off scandal-ridden UK government ministers « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Rupert Murdoch denies claims he may sell off scandal-ridden UK government ministers « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Sceptics Demand Referendum On Eurovision Pull Out « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Gov’ plan to reduce UK deficit – and bankers’ pay – by 100,000% « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Deeper Recession Looms as Prime Ministerial Output Slumps « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Inquiry called after Lady Warsi admits to not being friends with Rupert Murdoch « Pride's Purge
Pingback: England’s defensive trio of Osborne, Clegg and Cameron face stern test in crucial matches next week « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne: UK economic recovery being killed off by Euro 2012 players « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Man sentenced over sending email to MP while dressed as a troll « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Ongoing Eurozone crisis may force UK to seek new excuses for its own mess, warns Cameron « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Jimmy Carr morally wrong to avoid taxes without donating anything to us says David Cameron « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Gordon Brown To Blame For Crisis in Depp, Paradis Relationship « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Stock markets fall as Greece finally forced out of Euro by Germans « Pride's Purge
fanofootball said:
Must say, you took me in. Curiosity running wild!
LikeLike
Pingback: Top Tories – Osborne not fit to run the country, just its economy « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Top Tories – Osborne not fit to run the country into the ground, just its economy « Pride's Purge
Pingback: UK suffers worst double-dipstick chancellor in 50 years « Pride's Purge
Pingback: George Osborne faces calls from leading economists for U-turn on fecklessness « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Summer boost for UK economy as Osborne takes holiday from running it « Pride's Purge
Pingback: More People Believe In Loch Ness Monster Than In Osborne’s Ability To Run Economy « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Police called to George Osborne’s home after reports his lights on but nobody at home. « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne – The Irony Chancellor! « Pride's Purge
Pingback: What if George Osborne doesn’t know he’s the Chancellor? « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Internet Guru Michael Green Denies Being Chair of Shady Political Party « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne Vows To Reduce Budget Deficit From £14.4bn To Talking About Curtains « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne skilfully steers us out of the recession he skilfully steered us into. Genius or ironic? « Pride's Purge
Pingback: George Osborne admits recovery taking longer than expected from the effects of his own incompetence « Pride's Purge
Pingback: George Osborne admits recovery taking longer than expected from the effects of his own incompetence | An Average American Woman
Pingback: MAIL EXCLUSIVE – Kate’s morning sickness due to Gordon Brown’s profligacy « Pride's Purge
Pingback: An APOLOGY to Rt Hon George Osborne MP from Tom Pride « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Tories Blame Brown Administration for Failure of World to End « Pride's Purge
Pingback: The 12 Biggest Coalition Cockups of 2012 « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Deeper Recession Looms as Prime Ministerial Ability Slumps « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Satirists demand end to ministerial self-parody as ‘savage’ government gall begins to bite « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne blames too much ‘snow’ for his putting the UK at risk of a triple-dip recession « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Government report: poverty not caused by being poor (this is not satire) « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Economists – surprise drop in government sanity fuels fears of triple-dip recession « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Scientists – no link between destruction wrought by Osborne and Asteroid 2012 DA14 « Pride's Purge
Pingback: 4G Auction – Osborne goes one better and shows he knows neither the price NOR the value of anything « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne attacks Osborne’s failure to keep Osborne’s pledge to keep AAA rating broken by Osborne | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne on the loss of UK’s AAA rating – “Heads I win, tails you lose!” | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne Blames NatWest Computer Glitch For Dire State Of The Economy | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne to help working families by making it easier for them to get pissed | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Is George Osborne secretly endorsing Liam Fox as next Tory leader? | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Twitter Science – is George Osborne secretly endorsing Liam Fox as next Tory leader? | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Tory treasury nincompoops indicate imminent U-turn on Osborne’s mortgage scheme | Pride's Purge
Pingback: George Osborne blames pesticides for disappearance of UK’s AAA status | Pride's Purge
Pingback: ATOS declare George Osborne unfit for work as Chancellor | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne claims Thatcher “over the worst” and well on way to “full recovery” | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Scientists artificially inseminate George Osborne after his reluctance to produce plan B | Pride's Purge
Pingback: UK narrowly avoids triple-dipstick chancellor | Pride's Purge
Pingback: IMF warn George Osborne’s idiocy still acting as drag on the economy | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Obama gets George Osborne’s name wrong | Pride's Purge
Pingback: BBC apologises for Osborne’s shockingly low cuts budget address before watershed | Pride's Purge
Pingback: George Osborne ‘honoured’ to have royal baby named after him | Pride's Purge
Rupert Harrison said:
George Osborne has asked me to post in protest at the inaccuracies presented in this article. Mr. Osborne not only is a wanker, he has been one since before his teenage years, and just to prove it, he’s requested that I post a link to this video so you can see for yourself.
With regards, Rupert Harrison, Chief Economic Adviser to the Chancellor of the Exchequer.
LikeLike
Pingback: Where’s That Recovery? Osborne Passes Buck Erm Ball To Carney At BOE | ukgovernmentwatch
Pingback: Bank of England – interest rates in boring economic matters by the general public to remain low | Pride's Purge
Pingback: ASDA apologise to axe murderers for George Osborne Halloween costume | Pride's Purge
Pingback: 6 facts that PROVE the Tories are leading the GREENEST government ever! | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne’s Autumn Statement in a nutshell: old people are too expensive. | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Autumn Statement: Britain can no longer afford workshy grannies, warns Osborne | Pride's Purge