Nick Clegg has marked an extraordinary year in his party’s fortunes under his leadership by celebrating the Liberal Democrats finally managing to break out of their traditional position as the UK’s third largest party to become the country’s 4th or even 5th largest party instead.
In politics, most people talk about the difficulties of breaking through glass ceilings but we’ve turned the metaphor on its head by showing that, despite the very thin ice we’re skating on, we are on the brink of achieving an historic breakthrough.
When asked why he thought breaking through thin ice into the cold dark depths of political oblivion below would be a good thing, the Liberal Democrat leader replied:
What do I care? I’m a Tory anyway.
In his triumphant speech, Mr Clegg also listed the successes the party has achieved in 2011 under his leadership. They include:
- Getting very cross about the Prime Minister’s EU veto
- Managing to save their deposit in the Feltham byelection and even coming from nowhere to beat UKIP into 3rd place
- Winning major concessions from the Tories over inappropriate use of commas and punctuation in the coalition NHS bill
- Making university fees more affordable to the poorest students by tripling them
- Reducing by half the number of words in the previous Labour government’s ‘The Future Jobs Fund’ by changing the title of the project to ‘Youth Contract’
- Introducing deep reforms of outdated political practices, such as listening to the people who voted for you, by doing the exact opposite of what you pledged to do in your manifesto instead
- Not wavering in their commitment to sell their souls, their electorate and everything they’ve ever believed in just for the sake of a few principles
In a reply to the Deputy Prime Minister’s speech, a party communique representing Liberal Democrat grass roots opinion expressed their gratitude for how quickly Mr Clegg had turned their once well-liked party with a proud history of honourable and principled service to the country into the most reviled bunch of turncoats the nation has ever seen and who no-one in their right minds would ever consider voting for again, by saying ‘thanks a bunch, Nick‘.
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