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A Tory Christmas Carol was first published by Pickles & Ashcroft on 05 May 2010. The story tells of rich, greedy and stingy Ebenezer Scrooge. We never learn his real profession but it seems he makes huge amounts of money by doing nothing so it is clear he must be a bit of a banker, although no-one in the story ever dares to call him this to his face.

The tale begins on Christmas Eve, when Scrooge is visited by three ghosts – Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet to Come who each in its turn tries to persuade him to give a much money as possible to the Tory Party lest popular sentiment to reform the banking system takes over and he loses his cushy and comfortable lifestyle.

The first of the spirits, the Ghost of Christmas Past, takes Scrooge to scenes of his youth, when bankers like he thought they could continue their carefree, parasitic, super-rich lifestyles without donating any money at all to any party and it would continue uninterrupted forever without anyone noticing.

The second spirit, the Ghost of Christmas Present, takes Scrooge to several scenes of anti-banking and occupy protestors who are demanding bonuses be taken off bankers like him and given to poor people who need it, like Scrooge’s near-impoverished clerk Bob Cratchit and Bob’s youngest son, Tiny Tim, who is disabled and seriously ill but cannot receive treatment due to the government’s unwillingness to pay for it.

The third spirit, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, harrows Scrooge with dire visions of the future, such as disabled children getting money for treatment while banking executives hardly have any money to buy a new Porsche for themselves at Christmas. He is told if he does not learn and act upon what he has witnessed by donating huge amounts of cash to the Conservative Party, this horrific future will come to pass.

The story closes with Scrooge, a transformed man, no longer taking his exclusive lifestyle for granted. He agrees to donate massive amounts of his money to the Tory Party and they all live happily ever after (well 1% of the population do anyway).


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