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BBC – a blind man has had his benefits stopped because he’s been told he’s fit for work…….

I’ve seen the light.

I was wrong about David Cameron. He isn’t a scheming, spoilt bully who thinks he has a divine right to rule just because of the school he went to.

I’m starting to think he really might have a divine right to rule after all.

I’m increasingly being converted to the idea that our Prime Minister might just actually be the messiah who decided to save us by returning to Earth disguised as an overweight, patronising, upper class, country bumpkin Englishman called David.

For a start, he’s started talking about the bible. And not only that, he’s already performed at least three miracles that I can see.

But don’t take my word for it. Let’s look at the evidence.

Miracle Number 1 – curing the sick

David has cured thousands of seriously sick and disabled people of their illnesses so they’re able to go out and look for work again, even though no actual jobs exist!  Want proof of this miracle? See here. And here. Halleluyah!

Miracle Number 2 – the feeding of the 5,000

Unemployment is at its highest for 18 years and yet the government has made the biggest cuts in unemployment spending ever! That means Mr Cameron is managing to feed more and more people with less and less. Praise the Lord!

Miracle Number 3 – raising the dead

After the banking crisis hit in 2008, which everyone knew was due to Mr Fat Cat the banker’s greed and irresponsible behaviour, everyone thought it was curtains for Mr Fat Cat the banker. But they didn’t count on the second coming of the new Messiah – Lord Cameron the Unmerciful. He’s managed to bring back Mr Fat Cat the banker from the dead and now he’s profiting even more from the new crisis, paying himself yearly pay rises of 50%, massive bonuses counted in the billions and, even more miraculously, everyone seems to to have forgotten he even died 4 years ago. If that’s not a miracle, I don’t know what is!


Now all I have to do is to wait for the part when he starts helping the poor and turns on the moneylenders.

I think I might be waiting a f*** of a long time.


Related articles by Tom Pride:

Cameron Calls For Return To Christian Values Of Hypocrisy, Intolerance & Killing Muslims

The government has finally done something so outrageous even I can’t be bothered to satirise it


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