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In an interview with a US news broadcaster, President el-Assad of Syria has rejected accusations that he knew anything about the cruel and merciless activities of British investment bankers in his family, whose rule has caused misery to countless innocent citizens, saying ‘only a crazy person’ would have anything to do with such ‘immoral and ruthless people’.

In the interview, which was broadcast across the US, the President accepted his British born wife had worked as a banker but denied she was personally responsible for policies which have brought suffering and hardship to millions of people:

I might be a dictator but even despots like me have standards and I object strongly to suggestions I would have anything to do with callous and inhuman people like investment bankers.

The President’s wife, who was born and brought up in Acton in London, worked for the feared Deutsche Bank as well as the infamous JP Morgan regime but claims she knew nothing of the oppression and suffering being afflicted on innocent citizens by the activities of a shadowy and sinister division known as the ‘derivatives department’. Members of this secretive group are tasked with retaining the banking regime’s remorseless and vice-like grip over citizens on behalf of the ruling 1% of the population and are known to be merciless in their aim of holding onto power at all costs.

The Syrian president’s wife and other merchant bankers have faced growing international condemnation, with demonstrators in cities all around the world protesting against the cruel practices of the banking regime.

Although the protests have been met with a brutal crackdown by authorities who have shown no hesitation in using extensive force to end the protests, so far the demonstrators, who claim they represent 99% of the population, show no sign of backing down and if anything seem to be preparing for even more protests.

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Note – the Syrian President’s wife really is British and she also really did work as a merchant banker in Deutsche Bank and JP Morgan.

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