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Faced with demands to introduce a register of lobbyists after claims staff at a prominent public affairs firm have been able to influence him and other members of his inner circle, David Cameron has said he is quite happy to introduce one:

A cash register is an excellent idea. We’ll be able to keep track of how much cash we’re raking in from selling our influence to anyone with enough of the readies to pay for it. And it’ll be somewhere to keep the dosh, so I’m all for it.

When it was suggested to him that by a ‘register’ of lobbyists, most people probably had in mind an official record of which lobbyists had access to senior government officials, not a cash till, the Prime Minister said:

Don’t be daft. We’re Tories. Everyone knows the only accounts we like to keep are the ones you find offshore full of filthy lucre where the taxman can’t get his hands on it.

An opposition spokesperson said it was essential the government introduced a statutory register of lobbyists as soon as possible:

It is essential the government keeps a proper track of how much is being paid to influence government policy as well as who is doing the lobbying so we’ll know who to tap when we next get into power.

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For a more serious summary of the lobbying scandal, take a look at this excellent article:

Lobbyists are destroying the democratic process

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