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The Prime Minister has made a major plea for national unity at a time of major crisis saying that the nation was coming together in mutual hostility to his policies, and in its dislike of him in particular.

I am a ‘One Nation’ Tory. So I believe it is extremely important to bring people together, especially in times of crisis – that’s why I am very glad I’m succeeding in uniting the nation in its opinion about how crap the government is.

However, the PM accepted there was still some way to go before the entire nation was united in its opposition to him:

According to polls, surprisingly there is approximately 30% of the electorate which is out of step with the rest of the country and is still supporting me but I can assure the nation I am working very hard to alienate them too. In my short time in office, I have personally succeeded in alienating a majority of women voters as well as many others, including men. And by the end of my premiership, I’m hoping to have united the whole country in its animosity towards me.

Mr Cameron also stressed the importance of the role of his Chancellor, George Osborne in uniting the country:

Just about everyone, from economic experts to the average man on the street, is unified in their opinion that George is completely out of his depth and doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing. And there is no-one else I can think of who, as Chancellor, would have been able to create a unified consensus of incompetence so quickly and so completely as George has managed to do. So all credit to him for that.

The Prime Minister also said the government was extending its talents for creating harmony to Europe too:

Although during my recent meeting with German Chancellor Angela Merkel I was not able to agree with her on any actual policies, we were in complete harmony with our European partners on the fact that no-one likes us. And I was able to assure the German Chancellor that the feeling was completely mutual and extended to the French as well as most other nations too.

The Prime Minister also praised his coalition partners and other members of his cabinet for bringing together the whole country in its loathing of the government:

Our coalition partners, the Liberal Democrats have played a crucial role in coalescing public opinion against the government.  I would like to single out the Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg in particular, and thank him for taking what was once a well-liked party with a proud history of honourable and principled service to the country and turning it into the most reviled bunch of turn coats the country has ever seen. I should also like to point out that the country is united like never before in its opinion that Theresa May is as mad as a box of frogs and that Andrew Lansley is a pillock. So thanks to them too.


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