After the recent sell-off of taxpayer owned Northern Rock bank to Richard Branson’s Virgin group, the government has announced further privatisation initiatives in cooperation with the tycoon’s company to be headed by Communities Secretary, Eric Pickles.

The groundbreaking privatisation policy, to be known as the Branson Pickles Initiative will see further selling-off of state assets, particularly those in the sector of particular interest to Mr Pickles, food and catering. In a statement, the Communities Secretary and Essex Conservative MP said:

As anyone can see, I am particularly interested in policies regarding food. That’s why I recently announced a government initiative to set up curry colleges to train British people to make me British curry instead of having to rely on foreigners to provide it for me instead. Now after quite a few working lunches with Mr Branson where we managed to flesh out the meat of the policies, and after digesting everything that was on offer, I can now announce a joint initiative with the Virgin Group for the provision of bulk food services to me.

A spokesperson for the opposition said:

It’s typical of Eric Pickles to be in the forefront of a massive swallowing up of state assets. Right under our noses, we are seeing the biggest part of the pie being wolfed up and we are not at all surprised that taxpayers are being cheated out of their fair share by Mr Pickles. If we allow the Community Secretary and his fat cat friends to continue to gobble up everything with such voracity, all that will be left for the rest of us will be a few crumbs.

A government spokesperson denied the accusations, saying:

Mr Branson is known for always having plenty on his plate, but his philosophy is that people should be allowed to help themselves as much as possible. That’s why Mr Pickles likes working with him so much.


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