The government’s policy of ‘nudging’ food manufacturers to make food healthier rather than forcing them by legislation or other means is to be extended to nodding and winking, the Health Secretary Andrew Lansley has announced.
When announcing the extension of the policy, whereby fast food firms and drinks makers such as Mcdonalds help shape the coalition’s approach to public health, and thus avoid being subjected to further legislation, in return for changes such as cutting salt in food, Mr Lansley said:
We are keen to extend our original nudging policy with a couple of winks and a nod. The ‘winking’ will mean the firms will be able to ‘advise’ the government on matters which affect them and the government will do its best to push the legislation through on a ‘nod’. Nodding and winking are the natural progressions from our present policy of nudging.
The government has also announced they are looking to extend the nudging, winking and nodding to other areas of government policy such as the environment, where oil companies will be able to avoid legislation designed to protect the environment with a quick nod from a government minister, to the NHS, where foreign private health care conglomerations will be able to take over the running of hospitals and clinics on another wink and a nod.
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To ensure the smooth implementation of this policy, the Government has announced that there will be there will be RDF funding available to those who wish to create consultancies which will advise those qualifying foreigners who have not enjoyed a British education and therefore may not correctly understand and interpret the winks, An unnamed Government spokesperson said that it was only fair to create the level playing fields that were needed to ensure fair competition. These consultancies would go a long way towards obviating the risk of intervention by the EU unfair competition authorities until the EU is abolished and business can return to the unrestrained free market.
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Not only foreigners – understanding the British public school winking system is something mere state school oinks would have a lot of trouble with too.
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True, perhaps the Education Secretary would consider making winking and other arcanely effete social skills the fourth ‘r’? There is nothing in theory to stop oinks borrowing enough money to pay the modest (in the context of a lifetime) Winks-R-Us consultancy fees. Financial risk to the lenders would be obviated by the provision of a joint DWP and HMRC lien against all future income. State guaranteed income for the lenders would have the added advantage of boosting the often neglected and ailing derivatives of derivatives of derivatives markets that underpin the UK’s ability to buy boring basics like food and energy.
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