Education Secretary Michael Gove has told head teachers to “stop moaning” about having to run their schools without teachers.
Mr Gove told a meeting of academy schools that a lack of teaching was no excuse for poor academic achievement:
Every time a head reaches for excuses, like their school doesn’t have any teachers, or lessons, or classrooms, they spend time justifying their under-performance when they should be looking for reasons to perform better.
He added:
The biggest cost is staff, so by running schools without any teachers we’re saving taxpayers a lot of money. Successful schools do not spend their time whingeing about their lack of teaching, they realise that running a school without teachers means they can make a little go a surprisingly long way.
The Education Secretary also said the government was looking at ways to save more money by allowing schools to operate without any pupils:
We’re looking at the possibility of limiting the number of pupils who attend schools. In a cost analysis and feasibility study, we’ve discovered if pupil numbers are reduced to zero, the costs of teaching are reduced dramatically.
In a separate development, the Home Secretary Theresa May was said to be looking at proposals aimed at reducing the costs of policing by replacing police officers with police dogs. In a statement on the proposals, she said:
Dogs only expect a tin of Chappie once a day and maybe some doggy biscuits so they’re much cheaper than employing human beings. Dogs are also good at chasing cats, who we all know are responsible for filling our streets with foreign criminals.
Please feel free to comment – no registration required and I’m extremely minimal with the moderating. So fire away:
garryk99 said:
Genius….
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syzygysue said:
Genius because it is so very nearly true.
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warriet said:
Excellent!
Further scrutiny of the budgets revealed just how much universal education has cost the state of the years. The the task force is recommending complete abolition which will save even more money because the non-educated will no longer be able to write their names on claim forms. JCB shares rose sharply on the news that mass burial pits will be needed for those passed way by the consequent famines. British political expertise will be in great demand as global downsizing consultants
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Tom Pride said:
Steady on. Careful not to give them too many ideas. If they turn up in the next Tory manifesto I’ll blame you.
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warriet said:
Fair enough, blame where blame is due – the educated, fed, healthed etc baby-boomers are known to be responsible for the mess, Paxman said so in today’s Fail. But of course they won’t listen to my ideas: Governments only heed those whose words cost them much (of our) money.
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Tom Pride said:
Aaah Paxman. The Sage of Shepherd’s Bush. Wouldn’t dream of arguing with him.
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