Education Secretary Michael Gove has told head teachers  to “stop moaning” about having to run their schools without teachers.

Mr Gove told a meeting of academy schools that a lack of teaching was no excuse for poor academic achievement:

Every time a head reaches for excuses, like their school doesn’t have any teachers, or lessons, or classrooms, they spend time justifying their under-performance when they should be looking for reasons to perform better.

He added:

The biggest cost is staff, so by running schools without any teachers we’re saving taxpayers a lot of money. Successful schools do not spend their time whingeing about their lack of teaching, they realise that running a school without teachers means they can make a little go a surprisingly long way.

The Education Secretary also said the government was looking at ways to save more money by allowing schools to operate without any pupils:

We’re looking at the possibility of limiting the number of pupils who attend schools. In a cost analysis and feasibility study, we’ve discovered if pupil numbers are reduced to zero, the costs of teaching are reduced dramatically.

In a separate development, the Home Secretary Theresa May was said to be looking at proposals aimed at reducing the costs of policing by replacing police officers with police dogs. In a statement on the proposals, she said:

Dogs only expect a tin of Chappie once a day and maybe some doggy biscuits so they’re much cheaper than employing human beings. Dogs are also good at chasing cats, who we all know are responsible for filling our streets with foreign criminals.

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