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David Cameron, the Prime Minister, has announced urgent government plans to tackle rising energy costs by producing even more hot air.

We’ve been producing a lot of hot air recently on the subject of energy costs but it’s obviously not been enough to reduce household bills and that’s why I plan to call a summit with the six biggest energy suppliers where hopefully even more enormous amounts of hot air will be produced too.

The announcement comes after the government has been criticised for allowing pensioners to lose up to £100 in winter fuel payments. When asked why, in his budget, the Chancellor didn’t announce the cuts, which could be worth up to 100 pounds to the elderly, George Osborne explained:

I didn’t mention it was going to happen in the budget because it was already going to happen and that’s why it happened because I only mention things in the budget which are going to happen which were actually not going to happen. I couldn’t have been any clearer about this policy.

A Labour spokesperson said:

The government’s been in such a lot of hot water recently it’s a pity we couldn’t have used that to heat pensioners’ homes during the winter.

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